Popular Comedy Quotes
Roy: There's this new thing they're starting out in California: moving pictures. There's no sound, so we won't have to worry about the language problem, and I think the kung fu stuff could be huge! People are dying for a good action flick.
Chon Wang: Chon Wang...
[sounds like "John Wayne"]
Chon Wang: ...movie star? It could work.
Gubmint do take a bite, don't she?Payroll Cashier
Church laws are fallible because they're created by man.Loki
Pitka: How do you do? Shrimp?
Coach Cherkov: What did you call me?
Pitka: I'm sorry I didn't catch your gnome. NAME! You are a midget.
Cover me, Dicklips!Kirk Lazarus
Mrs. Connelly: Tell me about yourselves. What do you do Alan?
Alex Rose: Uh, it's Alex.
Nancy Kendricks: Alex is a writer.
Mrs. Connelly: Oh, a writer. I always thought of that as more of a hobby than a real job. I suppose I'm forgetting about Joyce.
Alex Rose: Joyce. James Joyce. Of course. Wonderful writer.
Mrs. Connelly: He died drunk and penniless.
Ray: There's a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that'll never be opened. And I thought, if I survive all of this, I'd go to that house, apologize to the mother there, and accept whatever punishment she chose for me. Prison...death...didn't matter. Because at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn't be in fuckin' Bruges. But then, like a flash, it came to me. And I realized, fuck man, maybe that's what hell is: the entire rest of eternity spent in fuckin' Bruges. And I really really hoped I wouldn't die. I really really hoped I wouldn't die.
I swear to god if you cut my head off...Chazz
Don't eat the corn dogs.Bobby
I was born a poor black child.Navin R. Johnson
And I guess that was your accomplice in the woodchipper.Marge Gunderson
You sexy like a chocolate strawberry.Wheeler