Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.

Be excellent to each other. ...And... party on, dudes!

Abraham Lincoln

Roy: Lord, help me. Just let me know you're there. Love me, hate me, but let me know you're up there.
[pause]
Roy: Hey, I can see our hotel from here. Wow.

You should see the other guy!

Carl Showalter

Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.

Max Fischer

Jake: It's good to see you, sweetheart.
Mystery Woman: You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.

Van Wilder: Blue - it brings out your eyes. The kid has killer eyes, not unlike yourself - anyone ever tell you that?
Gwen: Yes, my boyfriend.
Van Wilder: Your boyfriend? What's his name?
Gwen: I don't think that's any of your business.
Van Wilder: [Puts on sunglasses and turns away] You're right

Ted Reilly: Tom, you are a lucky man. Boy, would I like to get some of that.
Richard Hayden: Good lord.
Ted Reilly: Oh, God. No. Richard, you got an edit button on that thing?
Richard Hayden: [backing away] It'll cost you!
Ted Reilly: Come here. Come here, you little prick!

I would definitely bring protection.

Thomas

Daphne Wilder: God couldn't be everywhere, so that is why he invented mothers.
Maggie: What? That was on a Hallmark card we gave you.

Affleck, you the bomb in "Phantoms," yo!

Jay

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