Popular Comedy Quotes
My allergic reaction made me feel beautiful.Shelley
Lady, I will break my foot off in your ass!Hancock
What is it called when you almost win? Oh yeah yeah yeah...losing.Buck Weston
If you see an opposum, kill it. Itâ€™s not a pet.Jackie Moon
Turk Malloy: Are you in yet?
Virgil Malloy: I hate that question
What? I've got a wiping problem. I just stick those little pieces up my brown-eye and bam! I get no stains in my undies. What you don't believe me? Check this shit out. Spread my cheeks, so he can see the fucking stink nuggets!Jay
Dave: "You want one?"
Nick: "It's 8 o'clock in the morning."
Dave: "It's 18-year-old Scotch - you want a promotion, you gotta earn it."
Nick: (downs Scotch)
... I got nothing.Silent Bob
Ed McDonnough: We finally go out with decent people and you break his nose. That ain't too funny, Hi.
H.I.: His kids seemed to think it was funny.
Ed McDonnough: Well they're just kids.
Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!Cotton McKnight
[Telling everybody that Royal doesn't have cancer] I know what stomach cancer looks like. I've seen it, and you don't eat three cheeseburgers a day with french fries when you got it.Henry Sherman
Rosemary Cross: Do you think we're going to have sex?
Max Fischer: That's a kinda cheap way to put it.
Rosemary Cross: Not if you've ever fucked before, it isn't.