Popular Comedy Quotes
Pretty soon life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go empty.Tallahassee
Patrick: [while trying to get Kat go out with him] Well, the night I take you places you've never been before.
Kat Stratford: Like where, the 7-11 on Broadway?
This one comes with a basic sort of digital package, uh, you got your Lifestyle Channels there, a bit of "Trisha," um, you got "Entertainment" - don't know what that is. News. All the basic, uh, news channels.Shaun
I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it.Cameron
Chon Wang: I look like a fool.
Roy: What? You're a Maharajah! That's Indian royalty!
Chon Wang: But I'm Chinese.
Roy: It's the same thing.
What is it called when you almost win? Oh yeah yeah yeah...losing.Buck Weston
What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look up weird, fucked-up pictures of dirty sex you'd never have yourself?Randal Graves
Beanie: Don't say sorry to me. You let down Frank. You let down me. Most importantly you let down Max. And right about now I'm having a hard time trying to figure out why I take time out of my schedule to help you get over...
Beanie: Max can you earmuff it for me?
Beanie: That whore you dated.
Dupree: Everyone's asleep and here's lonely old Dupree wailing away on himself.
Molly Peterson: You weren't wailing away...
Dupree: An animal wouldn't debase himself such!
Momma, welcome to the sixties.Tracy Turnblad
Maybe there won't be marriage, maybe there won't be sex, but by God there'll be dancing!George Downes
Frank: I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor?
Grandpa: Are you kidding me? It was a fucking paradise. They got pool... They got golf... Now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a fucking sofa. Look, I know you are a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this. You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy. Can you imagine what that's like?
Frank: You must have been very busy.
Grandpa: Ho oh. I had second degree burns on my johnson, I kid you not.
Grandpa: Forget about it.