Popular Comedy Quotes
I love you, I always will. Know that. But I'm not your fucking whore.Alyssa
SHUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!Detective John Kimble
I feel like the nerd at the sleep-over that fell asleep at nine.Red
Sheryl: [after Frank's suicide attempt] I'm so glad you're still here.
Frank: Well, that makes one of us.
Rita: Why would anybody want to steal a groundhog?
Larry: I can think of a couple of reasons... the pervert.
[to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?Max Fischer
I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman."Bob Slydell
Winston Zeddemore: Hey, wait a minute. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hold it. Now, are we actually gonna go before a federal judge, and tell him that some moldy Babylonian God is going to drop in on Central Park West, and start tearing up the city?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Sumerian, not Babylonian.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah. Big difference.
Winston Zeddemore: No offense, guys, but I've gotta get my own lawyer.
Cartman: I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him a hundred dollars.
Kyle: It's not your fault, Cartman.
Cartman: Dude, I know, I'm just fuckin' stoked I don't have to pay him.
Kyle: Oh, that's real nice! He was your friend, you fat fuck!
Dewey Cox: [to his mother] All I need is my music and someday, I'll make my masterpiece.
Dewey's Dad: The wrong kid died.
Dewey Cox: You see that, Momma? That was just unnecessary.
Ah, ah, ah! Nobody says the "B" word!Beetlejuice
Alan Shemper: When I was at camp, my favorite activity was always arts and crafts. Or, as we used to call it: arts and *farts* and crafts. We used to make drawings... cave drawings! Which is my way of saying we were cave men. I went to camp so long ago that I can remember saying "sticks and stones may break my bones" and meaning it! I went to camp so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was my counselor! And my best friend hadn't fully evolved yet! His name was Ug and he walked on all fours! There were two epidemics when I went to camp: head lice, and the plague - the bubonic plague!