Peter La Fleur: Look, White, I know that we've had our differences in the past...
White Goodman: Differences? Is that what you call sleeping with three of my female trainers?
Peter La Fleur: That was one night.
White Goodman: Or what about that strip-o-gram you sent me for the Globo Gym one year anniversary?
Peter La Fleur: The stripper was meant to be congratulatory.
White Goodman: It was also a man!

Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines.

General "Buck" Turgidson

John Lennon is rolling over in his grave to hide the giant boner you just gave him!

David Marshall

Mike O' Donnell: Why are you dating him? He's bullying your brother.
Maggie O'Donnell: Who are you my father?

Do you want to go in the bathroom and smoke a cigarette with me?

Jack

That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have.

Sam

Let's start this fake college. Then, we'll go start a meth lab somewhere. It's a gateway crime. That's how these things start.

Sherman Schrader

[to Evan] I love you!... I mean, I think we should hang out socially... I have a new ping pong table.

Eugene

Rabbi Jake Schram: Oy.
Father Brian Finn: Amen to your oy.

Miranda Hobbes: [at a bar, drinking Cosmopolitans] Why did we ever stop drinking these?
Bradshaw: Because everyone else started!

Ed McDonnough: This ain't family life!
H.I.: Well... it sure ain't "Ozzie and Harriet."

Well, that's good thinking.

Droz

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