Steve Zissou: Where'd you come from? You look pregnant.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: I am pregnant. I'm not even going to ask what you men are doing out here in your matching pajamas, by the way.

Tiffany: You love me?
Pat: Yeah.
Tiffany: Okay.

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Life is cruel. Why should the afterlife be any different?

Davy Jones

Andy Stitzer: Well, if you loved her so much, why did you cheat on her?
Jay: [sobbing violently] Because! Duh! I'm insecure! Can't you tell?

Flor Moreno: It's something, watching you.
John Clasky: Well. Well, if it's anything on your end, imagine over here. Scratch that. The last thing you want to hear is someone going off on your looks.
Flor Moreno: Don't be crazy. Tell me EVERY detail.
John Clasky: Okay. Okay, I will.

I love robbing the English, they're so polite.


Mya: Babe I got us lattes... be right back
Alex: I'll be right here
Mya: Oh, you were an animal last night! So babe, was thinking we could go our first real date?
Alex: Yeah, babe, we should do that...
Mya: Alex... no he didn't... he took my coffee?

Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence 'Coffee' Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.

[a zombie kills an obese man] Poor fat bastard.


Sheryl: What did he say?
Richard: I'll tell you when I regain consciousness.

Ted: I look stupid.
John: No, you don't, you look dapper!
Ted: John, I look like something you give to your kid when you tell him Grandma died.

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Van Wilder

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