I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?

Tiffany

I have been a priest over 40 years, and I fell in love at least once every decade.

Father Havel

Al Pacino: Your sister and I grew up on the same streets. When I look at her, I see me.
Jack: When I look at her I see me too.

Carter: How would we even recognize Juntao, none of us never saw him.
Lee: I have, he killed my partner.

Drillbit Taylor: So what'd you do to provoke him?
Wade: Well he's fat, he's a dork, and I'm awesome.

Mrs. Dashwood: Why so grave? You disapprove her choice?
Marianne: By no means. Edward is very amiable.
Mrs. Dashwood: Amiable? But?
Marianne: There is something wanting. He's too sedate. His reading last night...
Mrs. Dashwood: Elinor has not your feelings. His reserve suits her.

Stacy: Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Wayne Campbell: Stacy, we broke up two months ago.
Stacy: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out, does it?
Wayne Campbell: Well, it does actually, that's what breaking up is.

Whoever wrote this episode should DIE.

Gwen DeMarco

Doug Billings: Tracy did mention we shouldn't let him gamble. Or drink too much.
Phil Wenneck: Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit.

The President: We love that old thing.
Harry: What is this we're listening to?
Karen: Joni Mitchell.
Harry: I can't believe you still listen to Joni Mitchell.
Karen: I love her. And true love lasts a lifetime. Joni Mitchell is the woman who taught your cold English wife how to feel.
Harry: Did she? Oh well that's good. I must write to her some time and say thanks.

Happy learned how to putt, UH-OH!

Happy Gilmore

Patrick: I thought for sure I was busted when I was climbing out that window, I tell you. So, how did you keep him distracted?
Kat Stratford: Oh, I dazzled him with my... wits.

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