Popular Comedy Quotes
Virginia: What's this about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?
Happy Gilmore: I didn't *break* it, I was merely testing its durability, and I *placed* it in the woods cause it's made of wood and I thought he should be with his family.
Gary: McKinley needs to experience "The Ultimate"!
J.J.: You mean, penis-in-vagina?
Gary: No, dickhead - sex.
Winston Zeddemore: Hey, wait a minute. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hold it. Now, are we actually gonna go before a federal judge, and tell him that some moldy Babylonian God is going to drop in on Central Park West, and start tearing up the city?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Sumerian, not Babylonian.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah. Big difference.
Winston Zeddemore: No offense, guys, but I've gotta get my own lawyer.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: I don't like your attitude.
Vinny Gambini: So what else is new?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: I'm holding you in contempt of court.
Vinny Gambini: [to Bill] Now there's a fucking surprise.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: What did you say? What did you just say?
Vinny Gambini: Huh? What did I say?
Spock, my top priority right now is to regain control of the ship. After that, you can debate Shakari until you're green in the face.Kirk
[narrating] I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.Cady
One more time, sweetness.Ernie McCracken
Norm Gunderson: Two more months.
Marge Gunderson: [smiling] Two more months.
Uncle Albert: With great power comes... ow!
Rick Riker: Great responsibility? Try to breathe!
Uncle Albert: I can't. You're kneeling on my balls!
This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Well, it used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to EAT it. You're hypocrites, all of you! You have a problem with what I'm saying, Larry?Phil Connors
Be a mensch!Dr. Dreyfuss
Henry Sherman: How much is he paying you?
Pagoda: I don't know what you're talking about.