Popular Comedy Quotes
Bill: It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
Ted: Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian...
Ted, Bill: ...MR. GENGHIS KHAN!
[All the students applaud wildly for Khan]
Ted: This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods.
We can hang in my crib. I will show you my 'hood.Lee
Roger, I used to be just like you. But look at me now, I'm awesome! I run this entire place. I'm dating TWO Asian chicks!Ian
[turning to Columbus, Wichita and Little Rock after a zombie] What do you think? "Zombie Killer of the Week"?Tallahassee
Rabbi Jake Schram: What happened to our youth?
Father Brian Finn: I'm telling you, it ended at 30, pal.
Bianca: But she's a mutant! What if she never dates?
Walter Stratford: Then you'll never date. Oh, I like that.
Max: Do you know who I am?
Leo: You are Max Bialystock, King of BROADWAY!
Max: No, I am Max Bialystock - that's right!
[narrating] When I think back on my relationship with Mr. Novotny, what I miss most... is our talks.Tracy Flick
My parents wanted to move me into high school out of the sixth grade, but we decided to chuck the idea because I'd have trouble making friends, blah, blah, blah. Now blah, blah, blah is all I ever do. I use my grand IQ to decide what color lip gloss to wear in the morning and how to hit three keggers before curfew...Veronica Sawyer
Someone's in my fruit cellar! Someone with a fresh soooul!Henrietta
Schmidt: You guys called the cops to get your Frisbee out of the pond? Is this really a police matter?
Jenko: [goes to hand Frisbee back to the boy, turns around and throws it back in the pond]
Jenko: Get your own (expletive) Frisbee!
Do you think there's a chance your mom won't love you anymore when she sees how badly you're getting beaten right now?Gary