Popular Comedy Quotes
[In the wedding]
Alan Garner: How's my hair?
Stu Price: That's good.
Alan Garner: It's cool like Phil's?
Stu Price: It's classic Phil.
Gas Station Employee: I'm picking up your sarcasm.
Richard Hayden: Well, I should hope so, because I'm laying it on pretty thick.
Alan Garner: There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
Phil Wenneck: [phil walks into the bathroom, then hurries out] Holy fuck he's not kidding. There's a tiger in the bathroom!
Aye, Captain Stubing. How are Gopher and Doc? Permission to come aboard, sir!Ace Ventura
Don't mind her. She's still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister.Otho
I'm sexy! I'm a scholar! People like me!Thurgood Jenkins
Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon Dynamite: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.
Sara: What's your name?
Chip: They call me Chip.
Sara: Aw, you can't get 'em to stop?
I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero.Hansel
The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.
Michael Newman: [reading off letter] Like I Said, "Good Guys Need A Break". I know you'll do the right thing this time. Love Morty. P.S. Your Wife's Rockin' Body Still Drives Me Crazy.
Michael Newman: Okay, Morty.
[Throws the universal remote into the bin]
Look man, Your can listen to Jimi but you can't hear him. There's a difference man. Just because your listening to him doesn't mean you're hearing him.Sidney Deane
Ron Burgundy: [riding unicorns through cartoon Pleasure Town] Look, the most glorious rainbow ever.
Veronica Corningstone: Oh. Do me on it.