Popular Comedy Quotes
Jack Byrnes: I'm just curious, did you pick the color of the car?
Greg Focker: Uh no, the guy at the window did, why?
Jack Byrnes: Well they say geniuses pick green.
Greg Focker: Oh.
Jack Byrnes: But you didn't pick it.
I don't care where you come from, that has got to hurt!RamÃ³n
Bartleby: You know, here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You have been in his presence. He's spoken to you personally, and yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.
Loki: I just like to fuck with the clergy, man. I just love it. I just love to keep those guys on their toes.
Geometry Teacher: Tracy Turnblad, once again your ratted hair is preventing another student's geometry education.
Tracy Turnblad: It's feathered, not ratted.
Geometry Teacher: Whatever you call it, it's a hair-don't.
H.I.: If it's all the same to you, Honey, I think I'll skip this little get together, slip out with the boys and knock back a couple of Coca Colas.
Ed: [gives him a look of disapproval]
H.I.: I guess that wouldn't be such a good idea.
Gale: So many social engagements, so little time.
Willie Bank: This town might have changed, but not me. I know people highly invested in my survival, and they are people who really know how to hurt in ways you can't even imagine.
Danny Ocean: Well, I know all the guys that you'd hire to come after me, and they like me better than you.
Rita: What about me, Phil? Do you know me too?
Phil: I know all about you. You like producing, but you hope for more than Channel 9 Pittsburgh.
Rita: Well, everyone knows that!
Phil: You like boats, but not the ocean. You go to a lake in the summer with your family up in the mountains. There's a long wooden dock and a boathouse with boards missing from the roof, and a place you used to crawl underneath to be alone. You're a sucker for French poetry and rhinestones. You're very generous. You're kind to strangers and children, and when you stand in the snow you look like an angel.
Rita: How are you doing this?
Phil: I told you. I wake up every day, right here, right in Punxsutawney, and it's always February 2nd, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Officer Mount: I don't believe it. It's that shit box Dodge again!
Trooper Daniel: Those bastards are ours now!
Good morning, Mr. M. Looks like you could use a CUPCAKE!Tracy Flick
Joe Kingman: What did you put in those cookies?
Peyton Kelly: Um, milk, flour, eggs, cinnamon.
Joe Kingman: Cinammon? I'm allergic to cinnamon!
Peyton Kelly: I'm sorry.
Joe Kingman: You're sowry? I'm talking like t'his and all you can say is you're sowry?
Peyton Kelly: I'm allergic to nuts.
Italian Reporter: [after the Pope's ring has been stolen] Mr. Pepperidge, was the Dream Team asleep when the theft occurred?
Pepperidge: No comment.
Italian Reporter: Do you think they will recover the ring?
Pepperidge: If I give a comment, when I said 'no comment.' I would look like a complete ass, wouldn't I?
Pee-wee: Life can be so unfair.
Mickey: You telling ME?