Popular Comedy Quotes
Dudley Frank: Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.
Woody Stevens: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!
Dudley Frank: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.
Woody Stevens: I felt you smell my neck!
Bobby Davis: Did you smell that man's neck?
Dudley Frank: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.
Bobby Davis: A lawyer cowboy?
Murray: Woman, lend me fi' dollas.
Dionne: Murray, I have asked you repeatedly not to call me "woman".
Murray: Excuse me, "Ms. Dionne."
Dionne: Thank you.
Murray: Okay, but, street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones.
Julian Mercer: The woman is really very brilliant, but she cannot hold her liquor.
Erica Barry: I like that about me.
Julian Mercer & Harry Sanborn: Me too.
She hasn't answered your calls, she didn't respond to any of your letters, she didn't respond to the candygram. God only knows what happened to the kitten you got for her. 'Cause she didn't keep it, and I know you're not raising the goddamn thing. I think it's very obvious at this juncture that she just flat out does not wanna see you anymore.Jeremy Grey
Grace: Debbie won the lottery.
Bruce: Oh, yeah? You're kidding.
Grace: But I guess so did 400,000 other people, so she only won, like, $17.
Is Terrance and Philip affecting America's youth? Here with that report is a midget in a bikini.Newscaster
Rachel: There's one thing that will always make a man talk.
Alexander Scott: Cut my belt?
Sometimes I like to think that the pants got lost on purpose. That this was their final gift to us. Bringing us back together. Back to a place of forgiveness, and love, and in understanding that what we shared was all the magic we could ever need. And as we spent those last few moments of summer, looking out at the blending of sea and sky, I realized it was a color I knew very well. The softly faded, essential blue of a well worn pair of pants. The pants had brought us together again. The rest is in our hands.Carmen Lowell
Now you get up there and work that pole like a Russian immigrant.Claire Foster
I just thought of the funniest thing. My name is an anagram for "I love".Olive Penderghast
The Dude: I mean we totally fucked it up man, we fucked up this payoff, we got the kidnappers all mad at us, and Lebowski, ya know, he yelled at me a lot but he didn't do anything, huh?
Walter Sobchak: Well, sometimes, it's a cathartic...
The Dude: No, I'm saying, if he knows I'm a fuck-up, why does he leave me in charge of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't fucking want her back! He no longer digs her, it's all a show! Ok, so then why doesn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off the briefcase, but he never asked for it back. The million bucks was never in the briefcase! The asshole was hoping that they would kill her! You threw out a ringer for a ringer!
Lois Einhorn: And somebody get me some coffee!
Ace Ventura: Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss some coffee