I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.

Thurgood Jenkins

Isaac Davis: Chapter One. He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion. Eh uh, no, make that he, he romanticized it all out of proportion. Better. To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin. Uh, no, let me start this over.
Isaac Davis: Chapter One
Isaac Davis: Chapter One
Isaac Davis: Chapter One
Isaac Davis: Chapter One. He was as tough and romantic as the city he loved. Behind his black-rimmed glasses was the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat. Oh, I love this. New York was his town, and it always would be.

Rachel: There's one thing that will always make a man talk.
Alexander Scott: Cut my belt?

We'll pay for your Viagra but not for your glasses. That way, you get a hard-on but can't see where to put it!

Tom Dobbs

Sometimes I like to think that the pants got lost on purpose. That this was their final gift to us. Bringing us back together. Back to a place of forgiveness, and love, and in understanding that what we shared was all the magic we could ever need. And as we spent those last few moments of summer, looking out at the blending of sea and sky, I realized it was a color I knew very well. The softly faded, essential blue of a well worn pair of pants. The pants had brought us together again. The rest is in our hands.

Carmen Lowell

Mel: I'd like to see you have a little direction.
Cher: I have direction!
Josh: Yeah, towards the mall.

If we are going to pay this much for crab it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid!

Claire Foster

The Dude: I mean we totally fucked it up man, we fucked up this payoff, we got the kidnappers all mad at us, and Lebowski, ya know, he yelled at me a lot but he didn't do anything, huh?
Walter Sobchak: Well, sometimes, it's a cathartic...
The Dude: No, I'm saying, if he knows I'm a fuck-up, why does he leave me in charge of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't fucking want her back! He no longer digs her, it's all a show! Ok, so then why doesn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off the briefcase, but he never asked for it back. The million bucks was never in the briefcase! The asshole was hoping that they would kill her! You threw out a ringer for a ringer!

Liz: He said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled.
Bethany: You're suggesting I need to get filled?
Liz: In more ways than one. You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane. You need a man, if only for ten minutes.
Bethany: It's been my experience that the average male is never a man. Not even for ten minutes in his entire lifespan.
Liz: That'a a bit militant. You thinking of joining the other side?
Bethany: Couldn't do it. Women are insane.
Liz: Then YOU need to go back to church and ask God for a third option.
Bethany: I think that God is dead.
Liz: The sign of a true Catholic.

MacGruber: "Don't worry we got your back. We're only 7 blocks away. So if anything goes down..."
Vicki St. Elmo: "7 blocks?"
MacGruber: "Okay, you got me. About 20 blocks."
Vicki St. Elmo: "Wasn't there anything closer?"
MacGruber: "Nope."
Lt. Dixon Piper: "There were tons of spots closer."
MacGruber: "Yeah, with meters!"

Lois Einhorn: And somebody get me some coffee!
Ace Ventura: Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss some coffee

Ron Burgundy: We've got a job in New York City.
Brian Fantana: Hey Ron, who's driving?
Ron Burgundy: It's okay. It’s on cruise control.
Champ Kind: Why do you have this bag of bowling balls and this terrarium filled with scorpions?
Ron Burgundy: It's a crazy story.
Brian Fantana: Cruise control just regulates speed. It doesn't steer.
Baxter: [barks]
Brick Tamland: He says we're all gonna die!
[Motorhome crashes]
Ron Burgundy: That is going to make one hell of a story.

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