Popular Comedy Quotes
By the power of Greyskull!Danny Butterman
Danny Butterman: So what made you want to become a policeman?
Nicholas Angel: Officer.
Danny Butterman: What made you want to become a policeman officer?
Nicholas Angel: I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police officer, except for the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be Kermit the frog. I remember when I was five, my uncle Derek bought me a police pedal car. There wasn't a minute of the day I spent out of that car. I went round - arresting kids much bigger than me. I got beaten up a lot, but it didn't stop me.
Danny Butterman: Man, he sounds like a great guy!
Nicholas Angel: Actually he was arrested for selling drugs to students, probably bought the pedal car with the proceeds.
Danny Butterman: What a cunt.
Nicholas Angel: Naturally, I never went near it again. I just left it there in the yard to gather rust. But I never lost the profound sense of right and wrong I felt behind the wheel of that pedal car. And I always wanted to be a police officer, from that moment on.
Danny Butterman: Oh. Shame really...
Nicholas Angel: How so?
Danny Butterman: I think you would have made a great Muppet...
Pack it in, Frank, you silly bastard!Nicholas Angel
Nicholas Angel: What's with all the cake?
Inspector Frank Butterman: Oh, that's for constable Butterman's minor indiscretion.
Nicholas Angel: [concerned] What? For last night?
Inspector Frank Butterman: Oh no, the cake is punishment for misplacing his helmet last week. No, last night's antics will require something a little more serious.
Nicholas Angel: Well I should think so. What did you have in mind?
Inspector Frank Butterman: Well let's just say we won't be running short of Chunky Monkey for the next month.
Danny Butterman: [annoyed] Daaaaaad!
Nicholas Angel: What's the situation?
DS Andy Wainwright: Two blokes and a fuck load of cutlery!
Danny Butterman: Do you want anything from the shop?
Nicholas Angel: Cornetto
Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!Mugatu
Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled, 'Aaaaaaah?'Danny Butterman
[to Jake] Cerrano's looking for some extra power for tonight. He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game!Willie Mays Hayes
Nicholas Angel: I didn't mean to upset the apple cart.
DS Andy Cartwright: Oh yeah, cause we all sell apples around here, don't we?
Sergeant Turner: You do sell apples don't you?
DS Andy Cartwright: Yeah, and raspberries.
Throw to first... Hayes is picked off! Personally, I think we got hosed on that call.Harry Doyle
My job requires a certain... moral flexibility.Nick Naylor