The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?
The Dude: I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

Lt. Frank Drebin: Congratulations, Ed! I hear Edna's pregnant again.
Ed Hocken: Yeah, and when I find the guy that did it...

Roger Dorn: Let's cut through the crap, Vaughn. I only got one thing to say to you: "Strike this mother fucker out."

Jane Spencer: Now I know why Ed's been calling every half hour. You've been back on a case, haven't you?
Frank Drebin: No, no, I swear, it's another woman.
Jane Spencer: In your wildest dreams.

You may run like Hayes. but you hit like shit.

Lou Brown

Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Frank Drebin

Jack: [In Elevator] Did you hear that?
Nick Naylor: [pause] No.
Jack: Exactly.

Tanya Peters: What are you doing?
Frank Drebin: Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
Tanya Peters: Your bishop's exposed.
Frank Drebin: It's these pants.

Tanya Peters: You're all man. I like that in my men.
Frank Drebin: You're coming on to me big time, sister. You're preying on me like a kitten with a fresh mouse. And we got a problem.
Tanya Peters: You're Jewish?
Frank Drebin: No. You're Rocko's girl, and in my book that chapter's called "look but don't touch."
Tanya Peters: I could have two lovers.
Frank Drebin: Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.

[Frank offers Tanya a cigarette]
Frank Drebin: Cigarette?
Tanya Peters: Yes, I know.

Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes.

Willie Mays Hayes

Nice catch, Hayes. Don't ever fuckin' do it again.

Lou Brown

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