Popular Comedy Quotes
[sees Shrek naked] Aahh! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies!Donkey
Some people just don't understand boundaries.Puss in Boots
Carter: You don't know nothing about no War.
Lee: Everybody knows War.
Lee: War! Huh! Yeah! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, sing it again, you all!
Carter: It ain't 'you all', it's "y'all"!
Carter: Man you sound like a Karate movie, y'all!
Captain Diel: Every now and then we have to let the general public know that we can still blow shit up.
Carter: You're God damn right
Clive Cod: Let me tell you something, I don't know anything about that, so you can kiss my fat ass.
Carter: Clive, it would take me all day to kiss your fat ass.
We must be... must be a misunderstanding. I was sent down here for the big case. For the kidnapping. The little girl?Carter
Carter: No disrespect, sir, but he's only gonna get in my way. If I'm gonna handle the situation for you, I'm gonna have to work alone.
Agent Russ: Carter, he *is* the situation.
Carter: That's why I don't have no partner, that's one thing I learned from my daddy.
Lee: Your father was a policeman?
Carter: Fifteen years LAPD.
Lee: My daddy also a policeman.
Carter: Your daddy was a cop?
Lee: Not a cop, an officer, a legend all over Hong Kong.
Carter: My daddy a legend too all over America. My daddy once arrested fifteen people in one night by himself.
Lee: My daddy arrested 25 by himself.
Carter: ...My daddy once saved five crackheads from a burnin' building, by himself.
Lee: My daddy once caught a bullet with his bare hand.
Carter: My daddy'll kick your daddy's ass all the way from here to China, Japan, wherever the hell you from and all up that Great Wall too.
Lee: Hey, don't talk about my father.
Carter: Don't talk about my daddy.
Happy Gilmore: You like THAT old man? You want a piece of ME?
Bob Barker: I don't want a PIECE of you, I want the whole THING!
Lee: Ah! Beach Boys!
Carter: Oh, hell no! You didn't just touch my goddamn radio!
Lee: The Beach Boys are great American music.
Carter: The Beach Boys gonna get you a great ass whuppin'. Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy! You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man!
Jake Taylor: Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife last night. Great little dancer. That guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend, but tell me, what was he doing with her panties on his head?
Rexman: [pops up]
Jake Taylor: Uh-oh, Rexie, I don't think this one's got the distance.
Charlie Donovan: Vaughn's been looking good out there today.
Rachel Phelps: Don't worry, he'll blow it.