Popular Comedy Quotes
Lt. Frank Drebin: I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!
[Music stops playing. Everyone stops talking and stares at him]
Lt. Frank Drebin: [to everybody] I mean at the time I was dating a lot.
[sees spaghetti tornado] Mamma mia.Flint Lockwood
Shannon Hamilton: That's it. You're dead, mallrat. I'm gonna fuck you up beyond repair.
Brodie: Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.
Gil Hicks: What... like the back of a Volkswagen?
...blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn't?Lt. Frank Drebin
Please don't say anything important 'til I come back.Margaret
Teacher: Everyone, please take your seats. You heard the bell. You know what it means. Last week, the assignment was to write an essay about your family. Who they...
Teacher: [class: "Are!"] And what they...
Teacher: [class: "Mean to us!"] Excellent droning.
You can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!Otter
Topper Harley: Mrs. Thompson, I know you must hate me right now but there's something I want you to have. I've been putting a little away for the past ten years. It's not much. 2500. I wish I could do more.
Mrs. Mary 'Dead Meat' Thompson: Why, Topper. That's so sweet. Why, with the three million that I won on this Lucky Lotto ticket, I can take this 2500 and just blow it all on hats.
Come back here, so that I may brain thee!Chip Douglas
Annie: What? What's that face?
George: It's nothing.
Annie: Oh, this is going cost you more money.
George: No. It's just... I know I'll remember this moment, for the rest of my life.
You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.Raoul Duke
I tried to stand up and fly straight, but it wasn't easy with that sumbitch Reagan in the White House. I dunno. They say he's a decent man, so maybe his advisors are confused.H.I.