Popular Comedy Quotes
Lee: Why would they not want my help?
Carter: Because they don't give a damn about you! They don't like you! I don't like you!
Lee: I don't care! I'm here for the girl!
Carter: The girl don't like you! Nobody likes you!
Lee: [handcuffs Lee to the steering wheel] Hey, what are you doing?
Carter: You ain't the only one with quick hands now, right? Wah!
Lee: Carter! I can't hold any more! I'm slipping!
Carter: Hang on a minute, I'll go get help!
Lee: [shouts] Carter!
Carter: Ah, I was just playin' wit ya...
Lee: You are a civilian. In Hong Kong, *I* am Michael Jackson and *you* are Toto.
James Carter: You mean Tito! Toto is what we ate for dinner last night!
James Carter: Who died, Lee?
James Carter: Detective Yu?
Lee: Not Yu, you!
James Carter: Who?
James Carter: Who?
Lee: Do you understand the words that are a-coming out of my mouth?
James Carter: Don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth
[during a fight scene with a bunch of Chinese men]
James Carter: [after accidentally punching Lee] Sorry, man!
James Carter: All y'all look alike!
James Carter: Lee, let me introduce you to Carter's new theory of criminal investigation: follow the rich white man.
Lee: Follow the rich white man?
James Carter: Behind every big crime there's a rich white man waiting for his cut.
James Carter: Couldn't help noticin' how she was staring at a brother.
Lee: She never even look at you.
James Carter: You just jealous, Lee, 'cause women like me. I'm tall, dark and hansome and you third world ugly.
Lee: I am not third world ugly, women think I'm cute. Like Snoopy.
James Carter: Lee, Snoopy is 6 inches taller than you.
You know, we could have been a good couple. We could have had something special. But you one crazy-ass bitch!James Carter
I will bitch-slap you back to Africa.Lee
I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.Ted
Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, She got hit by a car, she's dead.