Popular Comedy Quotes
I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.Ted
Lee: Just try to blend in.
James Carter: What do you mean, "blend in"? I'm two feet taller than everybody in here!
Lee: That's Ricky Tan.
James Carter: That's Ricky Tan? Man, that's a midget in a bathrobe!
Lee: Just follow my lead. Act like a tourist.
James Carter: I am a tourist, fool!
Lee: Stop, I'm sick of your bullshit.
James Carter: And I'm sick of you! I'm not the one running up in Karaoke bars full of gangsters. And I'm not the one running up in massage parlors looking for crime lords.
Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, She got hit by a car, she's dead.
Lee: Carter, you don't understand.
James Carter: Oh I understand, man. I got knocked off a building, I got beat on, I got stripped butt-naked and you held out on me. I'm outta here.
Lee: These men are Triads. The most deadly gang in China.
James Carter: You think they scare me? I'm from Los Angeles, man. We invented gangs!
If you ain't gonna shoot him Kung-Fu his ass or somethin'.James Carter
James Carter: Now why did you say it was a bomb.
Lee: You said it was a bomb!
James Carter: I did not.
Lee: In the hotel, you said it was a bomb.
James Carter: I said 'she was the bomb'.
Lee: She was the bomb?
Husband... negative. Children and a Labrador... negative. Tight little package... affirmative.Pat Healy
Dr. Egon Spengler: I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the polarity flow through the gate.
Dr. Peter Venkman: How?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [hesitates] We'll cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!
Dr Ray Stantz: Cross the streams...
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, *who paid us in advance*, before she became a dog...
Dr. Egon Spengler: Not necessarily. There's definitely a *very slim* chance we'll survive.
[pause while they consider this]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I'm excited it could work! LET'S DO IT!