Popular Comedy Quotes
I see a lot of myself in that kid. It's kinda freakin' me out.Roy
Marcus Burnett: [to Mike] I'm not understanding, I - I really don't.
Store Clerk: [pointing gun at Marcus] Shut up!
Marcus Burnett: I mean, do you just attract violence?
Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow. (2)
[Mac ticks off two fingers]
Larry Johnson: Sorry.
[the man laughs]
Foster: Is there something funny here boy?
Larry Johnson: Oh, no.
Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?
Foster: All right meow, (3) where were we?
Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
Foster: Am I saying meow?
[Mac makes facial expression as he is considers the last one]
Larry Johnson: I thought...
Foster: Don't think boy. Meow, (4) do you know how fast you were going?
Alex O'Donnell: [after watching Mike dance with Scarlet] Do you dance with all your friends moms?
Mike O' Donnell: Pretty much...
Why would you buy these pants?Nick
Even before I met you I had an instinct about you. Once I saw you were a woman with profound static cling I wanted to be that force around you.Johnny
This is bad. No, let me call it what is. This is fucked up.Marcus Burnett
Ursula: [talking into voice filter] Freeze motherfucker.
Foster: Oh, god, please don't shoot me. I'm naked.
Ursula: Drop your coat and grab your toes.
Ursula: I'm gonna show you where the wild goos goes.
Foster: Uh, this isn't happening. I'm a police officer. Ursula, help.
Ursula: [still talking into the voice filter] Baby, I'm gonna butter your bread. [pause] You don't have these at your station?
Foster: [grabs the voice filter, and speaks into it] I don't suppose you have a fresh pair of underwear I can borrow?
Ursula: I'm not sure you could fit into my panties.
Gas Station Employee: I'm picking up your sarcasm.
Richard Hayden: Well, I should hope so, because I'm laying it on pretty thick.
Matthew: I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?
Aldous Snow: I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.
Brandi: Suitor Number Three, what would our first date be like?
Gil Hicks: Well, uh, first I'd take you shopping to stores you wanna shop in, and then we'd do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, we'd take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I'd follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I'd pop on the radio and we could slow-dance till the sun came up.
Brodie: That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. I mean, look at you. You're the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.
Shaun! I read your story. You used a lot of big words. Great! Good for you! It was a little long, so I didn't read the whole thing, but who cares 'cause I gave you an A!Mr. Burke