Popular Comedy Quotes
[to Felicity Shagwell] Would you like to have another go? 'Cause once you've had fat, you never go back.Fat Bastard
You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes. Then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike!Craig Schwartz
Ed: Do you want your messages?
Ed: Well, your mum rang about you going around tomorrow night, and then Liz rang about the two of you eating out tonight, and then your mum rang back to see if I wanted to eat her out tonight.
Austin: [a guard falls into the lava] What a... burn? [laughs]
That sort of thing could get a man... fired? [laughs] I think he was... hot... for... you? [laughs]
Felicity Shagwell: That's enough.
Rocco Dillon: Any last words before I throw you off?
Jane Spencer: Yes. Don't do it.
Karen: He likes to butt things... with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.
Did you hear about The Morgans?Man on Street
Miles Raymond: Let me show you how this is done. First thing, hold the glass up and examine the wine against the light. You're looking for color and clarity. Just, get a sense of it. OK? Uhh, thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? OK? Alright. Now, tip it. What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins out towards the rim. Uhh, that's gonna tell you how old it is, among other things. It's usually more important with reds. OK? Now, stick your nose in it. Don't be shy, really get your nose in there. Mmm... a little citrus... maybe some strawberry...
Miles Raymond: ... passion fruit...
[puts hand up to ear]
Miles Raymond: ... and, oh, there's just like the faintest soupÃ§on of like asparagus and just a flutter of a, like a, nutty Edam cheese...
Jack: Wow. Strawberries, yeah! Strawberries. Not the cheese...
Allison Reynolds: You have problems.
Andrew Clark: Oh, I have problems?
Allison Reynolds: You do everything everyone tells you to do and that is a problem.
Andrew Clark: Okay, fine, but I didn't dump my purse out on the couch and invite everyone into my problems.
Harold: Back off cockboy, what I said him goes double for you.
J.D.: Cockboy, you just call me cockboy?
Harold: Yeah, you know I did. You're just stalling cuz you're not quick enough to think of a comeback.
J.D.: You think I'm not quick enough. Guy thinks I'm not quick enough. Well I got news for you. I am quick enough!... Cockboy!
I bet she gives great helmet.Dark Helmet
Mrs. Dashwood: Why so grave? You disapprove her choice?
Marianne: By no means. Edward is very amiable.
Mrs. Dashwood: Amiable? But?
Marianne: There is something wanting. He's too sedate. His reading last night...
Mrs. Dashwood: Elinor has not your feelings. His reserve suits her.