I don't think I am going to say, "What the fuck" anymore.

Joel Goodson

Well, Joel, you've done a lot of solid work here, but it's just not Ivy League, now is it?

Rutherford

It was great the way her mind worked. No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialities. Just the shameless pursuit of immediate gratification. What a capitalist.

Joel Goodson

Joel Goodson: Some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing.
Lana: What's wrong with that?
Joel Goodson: I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis.

Jackie: Hello, Joel. I'm Jackie.
Joel Goodson: Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him.

White Bitch: Behold, my white castle.
[she points to a White Castle restaurant across from them]
Edward: I think I've been there before.

Ted: [narrating] From that point on, the guys looked at me in a completely different light.
High School Pal: You're a fuckin' liar!

Holy shit, a talking beaver!

Lucy

I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.

Ted

Edward: A chocolate river! Mmm! Mmm! Chocolate! Hahahaha!
Willy: That's actually the sewer line.

Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, She got hit by a car, she's dead.

Husband... negative. Children and a Labrador... negative. Tight little package... affirmative.

Pat Healy

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