Popular Comedy Quotes
Rocco Dillon: Any last words before I throw you off?
Jane Spencer: Yes. Don't do it.
Gwen: Is it true this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Van Wilder: Carry the two, yes that's correct.
Karen: He likes to butt things... with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.
Dear Diary, my teen-angst bullshit now has a body count.Veronica Sawyer
Austin: [a guard falls into the lava] What a... burn? [laughs]
That sort of thing could get a man... fired? [laughs] I think he was... hot... for... you? [laughs]
Felicity Shagwell: That's enough.
Did you hear about The Morgans?Man on Street
Miles Raymond: Let me show you how this is done. First thing, hold the glass up and examine the wine against the light. You're looking for color and clarity. Just, get a sense of it. OK? Uhh, thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? OK? Alright. Now, tip it. What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins out towards the rim. Uhh, that's gonna tell you how old it is, among other things. It's usually more important with reds. OK? Now, stick your nose in it. Don't be shy, really get your nose in there. Mmm... a little citrus... maybe some strawberry...
Miles Raymond: ... passion fruit...
[puts hand up to ear]
Miles Raymond: ... and, oh, there's just like the faintest soupÃ§on of like asparagus and just a flutter of a, like a, nutty Edam cheese...
Jack: Wow. Strawberries, yeah! Strawberries. Not the cheese...
Allison Reynolds: You have problems.
Andrew Clark: Oh, I have problems?
Allison Reynolds: You do everything everyone tells you to do and that is a problem.
Andrew Clark: Okay, fine, but I didn't dump my purse out on the couch and invite everyone into my problems.
Since we have been together I have felt more uncomfortable, out of place, embarassed, and just physically sick then I have in my entire life. But I could not have gone through that, I could not have thrown up 19 times in 48 days if I was not in love with you.Reuben Feffer
Dr Ray Stantz: Gozer the Gozerian... good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Sarcastically] That oughta do it. Thanks very much, Ray.
Steve Stifler: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to the prom. So do you wanna go?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah, that would be great.
Steve Stifler: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Stifler, fuck! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Steve Stifler: What? Whatever.
You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes. Then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike!Craig Schwartz