Popular Comedy Quotes
I hate those guys.Dean Vernon Wormer
Heywood: You really knocked the crap out of that one.
Willie Mays Hayes: Oh, I plan to get at least a double out of this. [shows Heywood his black gloves] I bought a hundred of these. One for every base I'm gonna steal. Excuse me while I take my first step toward the Hall of Fame.
Heywood: My ass.
Geometry Teacher: Tracy Turnblad, once again your ratted hair is preventing another student's geometry education.
Tracy Turnblad: It's feathered, not ratted.
Geometry Teacher: Whatever you call it, it's a hair-don't.
Metropolitan Police Inspector: [darkly] You don't want me to get the Chief Inspector down here do you?
Nicholas Angel: Yes, I would actually.
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Very well.
[to a man by the door]
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Kenneth?
Larry Johnson: Sorry about the...
Foster: All right meow. (1) Hand over your license and registration.
Buzz Lightyear #2: Will somebody *please* explain what's going on?
Buzz Lightyear: It's allright, space ranger. It's a code 546
Buzz Lightyear #2: [gasps] You mean it's a...
Buzz Lightyear: Yes.
Buzz Lightyear #2: And he's a...
Buzz Lightyear: Oh, yeah.
[Buzz #2 runs over to Woody and gets down on his knees]
Buzz Lightyear #2: Your Majesty.
Kyle: WUUUUaaahh! WUUUaaaaahhhhh!
Soldier: Hey, you hear that? Sounds like a giraffe's dying over there!
[as Peter leaves to confess to Lumbergh] Peter... watch out for your cornhole, man.Lawrence
[Searching for Twinkies] Where are ya, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards!Tallahassee
Nicholas Angel: You don't mind a bit of manpower, do ya Doris?
PC Doris Thatcher: [laughing] Oh, cheeky bastard!
Colonel Sandurz: Prepair ship for light speed.
Dark Helmet: No, no, no. Light speed is too slow.
Colonel Sandurz: Light speed is too slow?
Dark Helmet: Yes. We're gonna have go right to... ludicrous speed.
Billy Ray Valentine: You know, you can't just go around and shoot people in the kneecaps with a double-barrelled shotgun 'cause you pissed at 'em.
Louis Winthorpe III: Why not?
Billy Ray Valentine: 'Cause it's called assault with a deadly weapon, you get 20 years for that shit.
Louis Winthorpe III: Listen, do you have any better ideas?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.
Coleman: You have to admit, sir, you didn't like it yourself a bit.