Popular Comedy Quotes
J.D. Sheldrake: Ya know, you see a girl a couple of times a week, just for laughs, and right away they think you're gonna divorce your wife. Now I ask you, is that fair?
C.C. Baxter: No, sir, it's very unfair... Especially to your wife.
You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes. Then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike!Craig Schwartz
[Frank offers Tanya a cigarette]
Frank Drebin: Cigarette?
Tanya Peters: Yes, I know.
Quit leering at me. People are gonna think I just broke up with you.Bartleby
Jack Sparrow: Elizabeth!
[Turns to Gibbs]
Jack Sparrow: Hide the rum.
"Cats" is the second worst thing that ever happened to New York City.Ollie
You're a bunch of fuckin' elephants!Ray
Howard Weinstein: [on the phone] Mr. Banks, this is Howard Weinstein. Franck's Executive Assistant. I... ave... your estimate for you.
George Banks: I can barely hear you!
Howard Weinstein: I'm in my car going through Water Canyon. Call you back?
George Banks: No, no, no. I want the estimate. How much? What's the damage?
Howard Weinstein: Well, everything from the flowers, to the honeymoon limo...
George Banks: Ok, everything. How much?
Howard Weinstein: [cutting out] - dred and - ifty a -ead.
George Banks: You're breaking up. It sounded like you said 150 ahead.
Howard Weinstein: No, no!
George Banks: Good. I was about to kill myself.
Howard Weinstein: It's 250 ahead.
Scott: Look, I was wondering if we could work all this out? You are, after all, my father.
Dr Evil: Scott, you had your chance, okay? I've already had someone created in my image. He's evil, he wants to take over the world, and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins.
Scott: Him? Look at him, he's crazy. He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. He'll kill me the first chance he gets.
Dr Evil: Probably.
I've got culture coming out of my ass.Freddy Benson
Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.Mike Damone
Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?
Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.