Popular Comedy Quotes
Eugene Kalb: Thanks for the Laker tickets.
Dan Foreman: You bet.
Eugene Kalb: Seats were terrific. But I'm still not going to advertise in the magazine. My son-in-law tells me that people don't read much any more. Too much effort moving eyes back and forth. So we're gonna put most of our budget into television, radio, internet.
Tomorrow, I'll be kissing her aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.Veronica Sawyer
Samir: You know what I would do if I had a million dollars? I would invest half of it in glorious mutual funds and take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities and-
Michael Bolton: Samir, you're missing the point. The point is you're supposed to work out what you
[printer starts beeping]
Michael Bolton: "PC Load Letter" !? What the fuck does that mean?
I'm betting he's going to swerve first.Phil
[Rob turns off Barry's tape]
Barry: OK, buddy, uh, I was just tryin' to cheer us up so go ahead. Put on some old sad bastard music, see if I care.
Rob: I don't wanna hear old sad bastard music, Barry, I just want something I can ignore.
Barry: Here's the thing. I made that tape special for today. My special Monday morning for *you*... special.
Rob: Well, it's fuckin' Monday afternoon! You should get out of bed earlier!
If Milty Mingleton can shove himself into that weenie bikini, then you don't need to be shy about making your donations to the swim team.Van Wilder
Valentine McKee: What the hell's in those things, Burt?
Burt Gummer: A few household chemicals in the proper proportions.
Josh: Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.
Cher: I am. You try driving in platforms.
Guano bowls! Collect the whole set...Ace
We've all been screwed by Governor Tracy, and now, I'm going to screw her!Mike
General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, no, I can't say I have.
Those boys desecrated a burning cross!Homer Stokes