Popular Comedy Quotes
[about Andy telling Trish he's a virgin]
Andy Stitzer: What if she laughs at me?
Cal: Then you punch her in the fucking head.
Stacy Hamilton: I want a relationship. I want romance.
Linda Barrett: In Ridgemont? We can't even get cable TV here, Stacy, and you want romance.
Mr. Wolfe: I thought you'd left.
Curt Henderson: No, not yet. I have no matches.
Mr. Wolfe: That's all right.
[strikes a match and lights his cigarette]
Mr. Wolfe: Brother, how do I get stuck with dance supervision? Will you tell me that? You going back east? Boy, I remember the day I went off. Got drunk as hell the night before, just...
Curt Henderson: Blotto.
Mr. Wolfe: Blotto, exactly. Barfed on the train all the next day, too.
Curt Henderson: Cute, very cute. Where'd you go again?
Mr. Wolfe: Middlebury, Vermont.
Curt Henderson: Right.
Mr. Wolfe: Got a scholarship.
Curt Henderson: Only stayed a semester?
Mr. Wolfe: One semester. After all that, I came back here.
Curt Henderson: Why did you come back?
Mr. Wolfe: I decided I wasn't the competitive type.
Mr. Wolfe: I don't know, maybe I was scared.
Curt Henderson: Well, I uh - I think I may find that I'm not the competitive type myself.
Mr. Wolfe: What do you mean?
Curt Henderson: Well, I'm not really sure that I'm
Curt Henderson: going.
Mr. Wolfe: Hey now, don't be stupid. Experience life! Have some fun, Curt! Anyway, good luck.
Harry: [after running into his ex-wife] She looked weird, didn't she? She looked really weird.
Sally: I don't know, I've never seen her before.
Harry: Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. Really, she must retaining water.
Harry: Believe me, the woman saved everything.
Listen guys, there are plenty of successful people who didn't go to college. Albert Einstein. You know? Pocahontas never went to college. Corey Feldman and Corey Haim; they had a great run. Both Lewis and Clark. Suzanne Somers. Bono.Bartleby Gaines
You're a bunch of fuckin' elephants!Ray
Nancy Hayes: Jack, what do you think will happen if that money reaches those thugs.
Jack Ryan: I don't know. They'll probably have a hell of a luau.
Nancy Hayes: I mean to Walter!
Jack Ryan: We'll probably get invited.
Margaret: Do you think he'll kneel down when he asks her?
Margaret: They always kneel down.
Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.Albert Markovski
Evan Baxter: [Looks into rear view mirror, sees God sitting there] Aaaaagh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
God: Let it out, son. It's the beginning of wisdom.
My brains are going into my feet!Dark Helmet
Rasputia: What... the...? What just fell on my car?
Mr. Wong: Not what - who! Who just fell on your car? Ching chong ching chong!