Popular Comedy Quotes
Marlin: What did it say? What did the mask say?
Dory: P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.
Dory: I remembered what it said! I usually forget things, but I remembered it that time! P. Sherman, 4...
Marlin: Wait! What does that mean?
Dory: I don't know. But who cares! Ha ha! I remembered! P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. I remembered it again!
Grandma: Sir, can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps me go to sleep.
Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up. Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. You're in my world now, grandma.
Marlin: Hey. Guess what?
Marlin: Sea turtles? I met one, and he was 150 years old.
Nemo: A hundred and fifty?
Nemo: Oh. 'Cause Sandy Plankton said that they only live to be a hundred.
Marlin: Sandy Plankton? You think I would travel the whole ocean and not know as much as Sandy Plankton? He was a 150, not a hundred.
Hitchhiker: Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 8-Minute Abs sittin' there, there's 7-Minute Abs right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man?
Ted: I would go for the 7.
Hitchhiker: Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk.
Ted: You guarantee it? That's - how do you do that?
Hitchhiker: If you're not happy with the first 7 minutes, we're gonna send you the extra minute free. You see? That's it. That's our motto. That's where we're comin' from. That's from "A" to "B".
Ted: That's right. That's - that's good. That's good. Unless, of course, somebody comes up with 6-Minute Abs. Then you're in trouble, huh?
Nemo: Hey dad! Maybe when I'm at school, I'll see a shark.
Marlin: I highly doubt it.
Nemo: Have how ever met a shark?
Marlin: No, and I don't plan to.
Nemo: How old are sea turtles?
Marlin: Sea turtles? I don't know.
Nemo: Sandy Plankton from next door, he says they live to be 100.
Marlin: Well, if I ever meet a sea turtle I'll ask him, right after I'm done talking to the shark.
Dory: How about we play a game?
Marlin: All right.
Dory: Okay, I'm thinking of something orange, and it's small...
Marlin: It's me.
Dory: I'm thinking of something orange and small...
Marlin: Me again.
Dory: All right, Mr. Smarty pants...
Dory: ... It's orange and small, and has stripes...
Marlin: Me, and the next one - just a guess - me.
Dory: Okay, that's just scary.
Marlin: Tell me, Dory, do you see anything?
Dory: Yeah, I see a light.
Marlin: A light?
Dory: Yeah. I see a light.
Marlin: Yeah, I see it too.
Dory: Hey conscience, am I dead?
Marlin: No, no. I see it, too.
Hitchhiker: You heard of this thing, the 8-Minute Abs?
Ted: Yeah, sure, 8-Minute Abs. Yeah, the excercise video.
Hitchhiker: Yeah, this is going to blow that right out of the water. Listen to this: 7... Minute... Abs.
Ted: Right. Yes. OK, all right. I see where you're going.
Virginia: [to Shooter] Did you see that?
Shooter McGavin: Yes. Nice shot.
Virginia: He just got a Hole-in-One on a *par four* !
Shooter McGavin: I know. I just said I saw it.
Virginia: [laughs] Oh, I hope he wins. He's a publicist's dream. I mean, a guy who could drive the ball *that* far - oh, he could *really* draw a crowd.
[Virginia walks away smiling]
Shooter McGavin: [muttering] You know what *else* could draw a crowd? A golfer with an arm growing out of his ass.