Popular Comedy Quotes
[On Brian falling in love with Anna...]
Rabbi Jake Schram: I mean, she's like your sister!
Father Brian Finn: Thank you for adding new depth to my confusion.
Rufus T. Firefly: Awfully decent of you to drop in today. Do you realize our army is facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it?
Chicolini: I've done it already.
Rufus T. Firefly: You've done what?
Chicolini: I've changed to the other side.
Rufus T. Firefly: So you're on the other side, eh? Well, what are you doing over here?
Chicolini: Well, the food is better over here.
[Shooting hoops and continuously missing] I was, like, gettin' 'em all in before you showed up.Captain Howard
George: I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That's getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. I know. I've just been through one. Not my own, my daughter's. Annie Banks Mackenzie. That's her married name: Mackenzie. You fathers will understand. You have a little girl. An adorable little girl who looks up to you and adores you in a way you could never have imagined. I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine. Then comes the day when she wants to get her ears pierced, and wants you to drop her off a block before the movie theater. From that moment on you're in a constant panic. You worry about her meeting the wrong kind of guy, the kind of guy who only wants one thing, and you know exactly what that one thing is, because it's the same thing you wanted when you were their age. Then, you stop worrying about her meeting the wrong guy, and you worry about her meeting the right guy. That's the greatest fear of all, because, then you lose her. It was just six months ago that that happened here. Just six months ago, that the storm broke.
[to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?Max Fischer
Bruce: Anchor! Chum!
Anchor: There you are, Bruce. Finally!
Bruce: We've got company.
Anchor: Well, it's about time, mate!
Chum: We've already gone through the snacks, and we're still starving!
Anchor: We almost had us a feeding frenzy.
Chum: Come on, let's get this over with.
Sir Alexander Dane: Could they be the miners?
Fred Kwan: Sure, they're like three years old.
Sir Alexander Dane: MINERS, not MINORS.
Fred Kwan: You lost me.
If this is some kind of practical joke, it's not funny, and I know funny. I'm a clownfish.Marlin
[while brushing teeth] Altogether, I've had five pints of beer and six bottles...no...six pints of beer and seven bottles, and you know what? I'm not even pissed.Ray
Remy: This is me. I think it's apparent that I need to rethink my life a little bit. I can't help myself. I... I like good food, ok? And... good food is... hard for a rat to find!
Django: It wouldn't be so hard to find, if you weren't so picky!
Remy: I don't wanna eat garbage dad!
If I do not have the three of you married before michaelmas, it will not be my fault.Mrs Jennings
Steve Zissou: You're supposed to be my son, right?
Ned Plimpton: I don't know. But I did want meet you, just in case.