Popular Comedy Quotes
Even before I met you I had an instinct about you. Once I saw you were a woman with profound static cling I wanted to be that force around you.Johnny
When the world slips you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry wall.Aldous Snow
[Rob turns off Barry's tape]
Barry: OK, buddy, uh, I was just tryin' to cheer us up so go ahead. Put on some old sad bastard music, see if I care.
Rob: I don't wanna hear old sad bastard music, Barry, I just want something I can ignore.
Barry: Here's the thing. I made that tape special for today. My special Monday morning for *you*... special.
Rob: Well, it's fuckin' Monday afternoon! You should get out of bed earlier!
Gas Station Employee: I'm picking up your sarcasm.
Richard Hayden: Well, I should hope so, because I'm laying it on pretty thick.
Santa: I've been to New York thousands of times.
Santa: Mmm hmm.
Buddy: What's it like?
Santa: Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't free candy.
Santa: Second, there are, like, 30 Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show," that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at the new toys before Christmas.
Matthew: I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?
Aldous Snow: I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.
If Milty Mingleton can shove himself into that weenie bikini, then you don't need to be shy about making your donations to the swim team.Van Wilder
Not you, fat Jesus.Officer Franklin
Mark Steckle: ...You're being groomed...
Carter Duryea: I'm being groomed! Mark, thank you, thank you. I'm going to kick so much ass for you, I'm going to take no prisoners, I'm going to be your ninja assassin!
Bruce: Anchor! Chum!
Anchor: There you are, Bruce. Finally!
Bruce: We've got company.
Anchor: Well, it's about time, mate!
Chum: We've already gone through the snacks, and we're still starving!
Anchor: We almost had us a feeding frenzy.
Chum: Come on, let's get this over with.
Talk Show Producer: No respected psychic will come on this show. They all think you're a fraud.
Peter Venkman: I am a fraud!
Herman Blume: Indefinitely. I'm being sued for divorce.
Concierge: Very good sir.