Trust me, Greg, when you start having little Fockers running around, you'll feel the need for this type of security.

Jack Byrnes

Flight Attendant: Sir, we have a policy on this airline that if a bag is this large we take...
Greg Focker: okay you know what, take you scrubby little paws *off* my bag, okay? It's not like I have a bomb in here. It's not like I wanna blow up the plane. I just want to store my bag according to your safety regulations.
Flight Attendant: Sir, sir!
Greg Focker: Hey, hey, If you would take a second, take the little sticks out of your head, clean out your ears, and maybe you would see that I'm a person who has feelings, and all I have to do is do what I wanna do and all I want to do is hold on to my bag and not listen to you! And the only way that I would ever let go of my bag would be if you came over here right now and tried to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers, okay? If you can get it from my kung-fu grip then you can come and have it, okay? Otherwise, step off, bitch.

Virginia: Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey! You want to beat him? Beat him on the course.
Happy Gilmore: That's right, I'm gonna beat your ass on the course!
Shooter McGavin: Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard.
Lee Trevino: Grizzly Adams *did* have a beard.

I will be watching you and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown.

Jack Byrnes

Greg Focker: Hey Jack, why don't you tell 'em about your little phone call in Thai.
Dina Byrnes: Jack can't talk Thai.
Greg Focker: Oh no, Dina, Jack can talk Thai. Jack talked Thai real well.

Oh, oh check my pulse on this one, Jack. Do I think you're a psycho? Yes.

Greg Focker

The Dude: You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fuckin' glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. You'd just met me... You human paraquat! You figured 'Oh, here's a loser. A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.
The Big Lebowski: Well, aren't you?
The Dude: Well... yeah.

Dina Byrnes: Now Greg, you have a *very* unique last name and Jack and I were wondering how to pronounce it?
Greg Focker: Oh, just like its spelt. F-O-C-K-E-R.
Dina Byrnes: F-Focker.
Jack Byrnes: Hmm, Focker.

Bob Banks: What is that smell?
Jack Byrnes: That smell, Bob, is our shit. Focker flushed the toilet in the den so the septic tank overflowed.
Greg Focker: I told you, Jack, it wasn't me, it was Jinx.
Jack Byrnes: FOCKER, I'm not gonna tell you again. Jinx cannot flush the toilet. He's a cat for Christ sakes!
Larry: The animal doesn't even have thumbs, Focker.

Jack Byrnes: Did you flush this toilet?
Greg Focker: Maybe... You know what, maybe Jinx flushed it. I saw little Jinxy in there last night and he took a squatted... relieved himself.
Jack Byrnes: Jinx knows not to use that toilet and even if he did, he'd never flush it.
Greg Focker: What does it matter?
Jack Byrnes: The matter, Greg RN, is that when this toilet is flushed, it runs, and when you have a septic tank that's nearly full and a toilet that's been running all night, then you could have a hell of a problem.

The post-game show is brought to you by... Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it.

Harry Doyle

Remember, fans, Tuesday is Die Hard Night. Free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant.

Harry Doyle

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