Popular Comedy Quotes
Nancy B. Artingstall: Do you know what? You play it too safe.
Susan Cooper: Oh maybe you're right. I just... I still, you know, hear my mom's voice... "well-behaved women often make history."
Nancy B. Artingstall: Yes you do know the phrase is, "well-behaved women *seldom* make history."
Susan Cooper: Yeah that's never how she said it.
Nancy B. Artingstall: What were her others, uh...
Susan Cooper: Oh, "just blend in, let somebody else win."
Nancy B. Artingstall: Classic.
Susan Cooper: I got that a lot in high school. And there was, "give up on your dreams, Susan." She used to write that in my lunchbox.
I'm just a little boy who plays with his penis when he's nervous.Kirk Lazarus
Safe... when I'm with you I feel so safe... like I'm home.Andrew Largeman
The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living.Ryan
Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.
I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches.Brick Tamland
Tank Evans: I'm gonna chum the water with your head!
Cody Maverick: Bring it on, pecker face!
Tank Evans: Pecker face?
Say, any of you boys smithies? Or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin'?Ulysses Everett McGill
Gayle Sweeny: Watch your language, Ronnie.
Ronnie Shields: My language is English and this mother fucker tried to grab my junk.
Dry land is not a myth. I've seen it. Kevin Costner. Waterworld. I don't know what the big fuss is about. I saw that movie nine times. It rules!Chip Douglas
Stan: Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris?
Kyle: The what?
Cartman: What, is that like finding Jesus or something?
Oh, you know what? Next week's no good for me... The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it's totally fine.Alan Garner