Popular Comedy Quotes
William: [drunk] You... have to come with me. There's this chick... there's these two chicks... they're triplets, man. You're not going to believe what they're doing. Not because I made it up or anything but because it is so... unbelievable. Come on out to the pool house, 'cause they told me to tell you... they want you to watch. So, come out... the pool house, come on...
Mike Dexter: [drunk] I'm a loser. I broke up with the hottest girl in school, my friends all sold me out... and somebody in there just called me a fag!
Kevin: Were we just as obnoxious as these kids back in the day?
Finch: No, our generation was definitely more mature.
Constantine: You guys have all the freedom you want!
Gonzo: When can I do my indoor running with the bulls?
Alvy Singer: I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for "Dysentery."
Alvy Singer: Oh really? I had heard that "Commentary" and "Dissent" had merged and formed "Dysentery."
Come back, you fat, bearded bitch!Dark Helmet
Maria Portokalos: What is wrong with Toula going to school downtown?
Gus Portokalos: Is drugs downtown!
Maria Portokalos: What are you saying? Are you saying Toula will get involved with drugs?
Gus Portokalos: No. But somebody will say to her: take this bag down to the bus depot, and she'll do it!
Maria Portokalos: She is not stupid! She's smart!
Gus Portokalos: I know she's smart. So what for she needs more school? She's smart enough for a girl.
Maria Portokalos: Oh! You think you're smarter than me, huh?
Gus Portokalos: No, I... I mean... You... you know...
Reese Bobby: So can I help ya?
Ricky Bobby: Fine. I'll do it. But I ain't callin' you Daddy.
Reese Bobby: Well, what are you gonna to call me then?
Ricky Bobby: (Later) All right, Professor Dickweed...
Please, I beg you! For safety's sake, don't humiliate him!Dr. Frederick Frankenstein
Shannon Hamilton: That's it. You're dead, mallrat. I'm gonna fuck you up beyond repair.
Brodie: Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.
Gil Hicks: What... like the back of a Volkswagen?
Nancy Hayes: Jack, what do you think will happen if that money reaches those thugs.
Jack Ryan: I don't know. They'll probably have a hell of a luau.
Nancy Hayes: I mean to Walter!
Jack Ryan: We'll probably get invited.
Loud noises!Brick Tamland