Popular Comedy Quotes
Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.Shooter McGavin
Chauffeur: So he says "My wife's a pain in the ass. She's always busting my friggin' agates. My daughter's married to a real loser bastard. And I got a rash so bad on my ass, I can't even sit down. But you know me. I can't complain."
The Dude: Fuckin' A, man. I got a rash, man.
Male Student: [after the beautiful female student has guessed 5 out of 5 cards right while he has "none"; actually he has one] What are you trying to prove here, anyway?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm studying the effects of negative reinforcement on ESP ability
Male Student: The effect? I'll tell you what the effect is, it's pissing me off!
[Dana is possessed]
Dr. Peter Venkman: I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people.
[Dana starts passionately making out with him]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule...
Crash Davis: [stands up] Hey! HEY!
[walks to the mound]
Crash Davis: Why are you shaking me off?!
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [Gets in Crash's face] I want to give him the heat and announce my presence with authority!
Crash Davis: Announce your fucking presence with authority? This guy is a first ball, fast ball hitter!
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Well he hasn't seen my heat!
Crash Davis: [pauses] Allright meat, show him your heat.
[Walks back towards the box]
Crash Davis: [To the batter] Fast ball comin'.
[frightened] I'm going bring this up with the Tenant's Association. You're not supposed to have pets in the building.Louis
Dr. Peter Venkman: To our first costumer.
Dr Ray Stantz: To our *first* and *only* costumer.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm gonna need to draw some petty cash. I should take her out to dinner. We don't wanna lose her.
Dr Ray Stantz: Uhhh... this magnificent feast here represents the *last* of the petty cash.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Slow down. Chew your food.
Teddy Cullinane: [broadcasting] I've never seen Crash so angry. And frankly, sports fans, he used a word that's a no-no with umpires.
Millie: [Annie turns off radio] Crash must've called the guy a cocksucker.
Annie: Mmmmm. How romantic.
The Dude: Jesus, man, could you change the channel?
Cab Driver: Fuck you man. If you don't like my fuckin' music get your own fuckin' cab!
The Dude: I had a rough...
Cab Driver: I pull over and kick your ass out!
The Dude: Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the fuckin' Eagles, man!
I almost numchucked you, you don't even realize!Chazz Reingold
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm gonna take back some of the things I said about you, Egon.
[pulls out candy bar]
Dr. Peter Venkman: You... You've earned it
Dr. Peter Venkman: What I'd really like to do is talk to Dana. Dana? It's Peter.
Dana Barrett: There is no Dana, there is only Zhul.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, Zhulie, you nut, now c'mon. Just relax, c'mon. Dana, Dana. Can I talk to Dana?
Dana Barrett: [in demon voice] There is no Dana, only Zhul.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What a lovely singing voice you must have.