Popular Comedy Quotes
Pat Healy: What, you think yer shit don't stink?
Ted: No, I don't think, I mean, yes it does, no I don't...
Pat Healy: Does he bite?
Sully: A little bit. Get in.
Shooter McGavin: Just stay out of my way or you'll pay, listen to what I say.
Happy Gilmore: Hey, why don't I just got and eat some hay. I can lay by the bay, make things out of clay, I just may, what'd ya say?
Here you've been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you.Dom
Ted: Do you think maybe you wanna maybe, I don't know, go out to dinner, you know, catch up on old times?
Mary: Didn't we just do that?
Ted: Oh, uh...
Mary: I'm fucking with you, Ted!
Happy Gilmore: I'll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too.
Virginia: Do you always carry a puck with you?
Happy Gilmore: Yeah.
[Virginia shoots puck and scores]
Happy Gilmore: Holy shit. Talk about your all time backfires.
What about Brett Fav... ruh?Ted
[to Bob Barker] The price is wrong, bitch.Happy Gilmore
Have you ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary?Dom
You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.Happy Gilmore
The Dude: Yeah, well. The Dude abides.
The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.
They're break-dance fighting.Mugatu