Popular Comedy Quotes
Ace Ventura: Excuse me, Ron, I need to use the bathroom.
Ace Ventura: I think it's the pate.
Ronald Camp: Sure, right over there.
Ace Ventura: Thanks! Stuff probably looks better on the way out, huh?
Friend? Some of your foldin' money is come unstowed.Delmar O'Donnell
He is my neighbor, Nushuktan Tulyiagby, he is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock-radio, he cannot afford. Great success!Borat
I'm the best person in the whole town!'Baby' Brent
Ringo Starr: I've got a song about an octopus.
John Lennon: 'I've got a song about an octupus'. Why don't you jam it up your ass?
Let's face it, the kids aren't exactly dressing up as The Scorcher for Purim anymore.Les Grossman
My. You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble someday.Count Rugen
Now I want you to take a step back... and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don't know what kind of bullshit you're trying to pull here, but Asian Jack is my territory and if you're thinking otherwise, you've better to think again! Otherwise I'm gonna have to head out there and I will bring a Godly fucking fire upon you! I'm talking about a scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!Les Grossman
Charles: There I was, standing there in the church, and for the first time in my whole life I realized I totally and utterly loved one person. And it wasn't the person next to me in the veil. It's the person standing opposite me now... in the rain.
Carrie: Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well, dear, are you ready?
Inga: Yes, Doctor.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Elevate me.
Inga: Now? Right here?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Yes, yes, raise the platform.
Inga: Oh. Ze platform. Oh, zat, yah, yah... yes.
Prince Humperdinck: First things first, to the death.
Westley: No. To the pain.
Prince Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
Westley: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
HEY MOM! CAN WE GET SOME MEATLOAF?Chazz Reinhold