Stifler's Mom: I got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged 18 years. The way I like it.

Dialect Instructor: I would like to buy a hamburger.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to buy a "damburgen".
Dialect Instructor: I would like to buy a ham-bur-ger.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to buy a "damburgen".
Dialect Instructor: I would like to buy a hamburger!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to buy a "damburgen"!

I'm gonna kick your ass back to the Shire if you don't shut your fucking mouth.

Hobbit Lover

Tyra Banks: You're not married, you're on the wrong side of 40, and child-less. Somebody close to you said: One more flop, and it's over.
Tugg Speedman: [pause] Somebody said they were close to me?

[speaking to the priest] This girl's fit for a strait-jacket. I mean she's fucked three ways to the weekend. But you know what, Father? I dig it!

Jeremy Grey

Elias: That's bestiality, Randal!
Randal Graves: At it's finest, I hope.
Elias: Who would want to see something like that?
Randal Graves: Dante, me, YOU.
Elias: I don't want to see something like that! Why would you want to see something like that?
Randal Graves: Because it's fucked up! Besides, I want to know if a chick with a mouth full of donkey spunk swallows. Lemme borrow your cell phone.

[sees Shrek naked] Aahh! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies!

Donkey

Napoleon Dynamite: Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
Uncle Rico: She didn't tell me anything.
Napoleon Dynamite: Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.
Uncle Rico: I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property!
Uncle Rico: It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you.
Uncle Rico: Well then do it! Go on!
Napoleon Dynamite: Maybe I will, GOSH!

Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!

Buddy

Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later

Lloyd

Max Fischer: How much are you worth, by the way?
Herman Blume: I don't know.
Max Fischer: Over ten million?
Herman Blume: Yeah, I guess so.
Max Fischer: Good, good.
Herman Blume: Why?
Max Fischer: Cause we're gonna need all of it.

I hope you guys have hobo stab insurance.

Sherman

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