Popular Comedy Quotes
Clark Griswald: So, this is the old homestead, eh?
Cousin Eddie: Yeah. I don't know for how much longer, though. The bank's been after me like flies on a rib roast.
Ms. Perky: [writing her novel] ... Underlating with desire, Adrian removes her red
[breaks concentration, chooses another word]
Ms. Perky: crimson cape, at the site of Reginal's stiff and...
[Yells at Judith]
Ms. Perky: What’s another word for "engorged"?
Judith: [disgusted look] I'll look it up.
Ms. Perky: Ok.
[thinking of word]
Ms. Perky: Swollen... Turgient...
Kat Stratford: [enters Kat] Tumesent?
Ms. Perky: Perfect!
Kat Stratford: [as Kat leaves] I'll let you get back to "Reginal's quivering member".
Ms. Perky: Quivering member? I like that.
There are a lot of things in my life that I thought were real and ended up being fake. Why can't the opposite be true?Monica
The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
The Dude: Oh!
Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
Donny: What's a pederast, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep.J.D.
Jimmy: So Coach, I was thinking about the music for our routine.
Chazz: We're going to skate to one song, and one song [sings] I'm gonna get you get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps. My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.
Jimmy: How do you even know what that means?
Chazz: No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.
Jimmy: No it's not, it's...
Chazz: It gets the people GOING!
Katy: Boon, I think I'm in love with a retard.
Boon: Is he bigger than me?
I'll have the rent by the end of the week, go tell the mayor.Dewey Finn
Chazz Michaels and Jimmy MacElroy *are* figure skating. Boom!Chazz
Van Wilder: But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge... Timmy? I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life-and-death matter because you'll die a lot of times. Write that down.
Suicidal Freshman: I don't have a pen.
Van Wilder: Well remember that then. And you know something, Timmy? I think you've got the balls to make it here. Call me nuts, but I believe in you.
Annie: Right, I'll just go get my things, and then let's fix the country, shall we?
Prime Minister: Yeah, I can't see why not.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: If you're looking for furniture or a shitbox, out there is the sales floor.
Leonard Smalls: I'm not a customer. I'm a man hunter. But I do hunt babies on occasion. I heard tell you got one you can't put your hand to.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: How do you know about that?
Leonard Smalls: That's my job. I'm a tracker. Some say part hound dog.