Popular Comedy Quotes
Yeah, right. Yup, I'm a homo. Yeah. Yeah. Just make up whatever you want and that's what happened. Okay? Write out my gay confession and I'll sign it. Okay? Just stop pushing me all the time. You're an infant, Jack. This is all a big party for you... but not for me.Miles Raymond
You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?Al Czervik
[to the Dude] Keep your ugly fuckin' goldbrickin' ass out of my beach community.Malibu Police Chief
Miles Raymond: Hey, what should I wear?
Jack: I don't know, something casual but nice. They think you're a writer.
Try to be your normal, humorous self. The guy you were before the tailspin. Do you remember that guy? People love that guy.Jack
Consult your doctor before using this product. Side effects may include oily discharge, hives, loss of appetite, low blood pressure. If you have diabetes or a history of kidney trouble, you're dead, asshole!Jack
[after teaching Jack how to evaluating a glass of wine prior to tasting] ... Are you chewing gum?Miles Raymond
Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.Al Czervik
That's right, Dude, they peed on your fucking rug.Walter Sobchak
Jeremy Grey: Oh, that's great? Why don't you feed me to the lions? Step on my head when I am drowning.
John Beckwith: What?
Jeremy Grey: What do you mean what? What a great friend. John, you have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. There's no overtime.
John Beckwith: No overtime. Yeah, well what about the Chang wedding three years ago. 2am, you drag me to watch you and some chick play Mah-Jongg with her grandmother? In a retirement home.
Jeremy Grey: Completely different situation. She was a very family-oriented girl.
John Beckwith: Yeah.
Jeremy Grey: That was my first Asian!
Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!Napoleon Dynamite
Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.