Popular Comedy Quotes
Sally: He just met her... She's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the ONE. All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me.
Harry: If you could take him back now, would you?
Sally: No. But why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me?
Sally: I'm difficult.
Harry: You're challenging.
Sally: I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off.
Harry: But in a good way.
Joe Reardon: He walked 18.
Larry: New league record!
Joe Reardon: Struck out 18.
Larry: Another new league record! In addition he hit the sportswriter, the public address announcer, the bull mascot twice...
Larry: Also new league records! But, Joe, this guy's got some serious shit.
Harry: [after running into his ex-wife] She looked weird, didn't she? She looked really weird.
Sally: I don't know, I've never seen her before.
Harry: Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. Really, she must retaining water.
Harry: Believe me, the woman saved everything.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, my *God*. Look at all the junk food!
Dana Barrett: Oh, dammit. Look, this wasn't here...
Dr. Peter Venkman: You actually eat this?
Dana Barrett: Look, this wasn't here! There was *nothing* here! There was this... space! And there was a building or something with flames coming out of it, and there were creatures writhing around, and they were growling and snarling. And there were flames, and I heard a voice say "Zuul"! It was right here.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, I'm sorry, I'm just not getting any reading.
Dana Barrett: Well, are you sure you're using that thing correctly?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, I... I think so, but I'm sure there are no animals in there.
Dana Barrett: Well that's just great. Either I have a monster in my kitchen or I'm completely crazy.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [smiles] I don't think you're crazy.
Dana Barrett: [sarcastically] Oh, good, that makes me feel so much better.
Skip: Don't take this the wrong way Millie, but if I catch you in here again I'll ban you from the ballpark.
Millie: You can't ban me from the ballpark because my daddy donated the scoreboard.
Skip: What do we need a scoreboard for? We haven't scored any runs all season.
The Dude: Walter, ya know, it's Smokey, so his toe slipped over the line a little, big deal. It's just a game, man.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, this determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking it 8.
Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.
The Dude: Walter...
Walter Sobchak: You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.
Smokey: I'm not...
Walter Sobchak: A world of pain.
Chazz Reinhold: Yeah, her boyfriend just died. In a hang-gliding accident! What an idiot! What a loser!
[sarcastically imitating dead boyfriend]
Chazz Reinhold: "Hey, I'm hang-gliding! Aaaahhh! Take a picture, honey, I'm dead!
Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste.Marie
Marie: Tell me I'll never have to be out there again.
Jess: You'll never have to be out there again.
Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob.Crash Davis
Harry Burns: That's it? Some faceless guy rips off all your clothes, and THAT'S the sex fantasy you've been having since you were 12?
Sally Albright: Well sometimes I vary it a little.
Harry Burns: Which part?
Sally Albright: What I'm wearing.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: I don't hit no man first.
Crash Davis: All right, then...
[throws him a baseball]
Crash Davis: ... hit me in the chest with that.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: I'd kill you!
Crash Davis: Yeah? From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fucking boat.