If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!

Krusty the Clown

Shannon Hamilton: Smart-ass ex-boyfriend! I've got two things to tell you. One: I don't like you. I see you every week in this mall. I don't like you shiftless layabouts. You're one of those fucking mallrat kids. You don't come to the mall to shop or work. You hang out and act like you fucking live here. Well, I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda.
Brodie: Is this what's known as motivated salesmanship?
[Shannon Hamilton beats up Brodie]
Shannon Hamilton: Rene told me to leave you alone, but she's fucking clueless. The newly single always feel a bit protective of the ex-boyfriend.
Brodie: If this is her idea of protective, I'd hate to have her mad at me.
Shannon Hamilton: You see, Bruce, I like to pick up girls on the rebound from a disappointing relationship. They're much more in need of solace and they're fairly open to suggestion. And, I use that to fuck them some place very uncomfortable.
Brodie: What, like the back of a Volkswagen?

Take that, you winged spawn of Satan!


Preferred customer my ASS!

Medieval Times host

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Van Wilder

Oh boy. How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus.

The Dude

Edward Ferrars: Your friendship has been the most important of my life.
Elinor Dashwood: You will always have it.

When I was a young boy I used to look at pictures of naked ladies, hence my right hand is very strong. I touched myself more than a third base coach.

Tom Dobbs

[as she is being dragged away] You can check my urine! CHECK MY URINE! CHECK MY URINE!

Amy Squirrel

Nice Greek girls who don't find a husband, work in the family restaurant. So here I am, day after day, year after year, 30 and way past my expiration date.

Toula Portokalos

Tigers love pepper.

Alan Garner

Prison Counsellor: Why do you say you feel "trapped" in a man's body?
"Trapped" Convict: Well, sometimes I get them menstrual cramps real hard.

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