Hitch: [talking about when kissing going 90 per cent then he goes 10] All right show me the magic.
Albert: OK.
[going to kiss Hitch]
Hitch: [after being kissed] What the hell?
Albert: Well, you said show me the magic
Hitch: Yeah, but you go 90 then I go 10. You don't go the whole hundred, you over-eager son of a... BLECH!

I'm a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?

Hitch

Try to be your normal, humorous self. The guy you were before the tailspin. Do you remember that guy? People love that guy.

Jack

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

Al Czervik

Josh: Will you please leave? I got a deadline to meet. God.
Billy: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Josh: HEY!
Billy: You're Josh Baskin, remember? You broke your arm on my roof! You hid in MY basement when Robert Dyson was about to rip your head off!
Josh: You don't get it, do you? This is important!
Billy: I'm your best friend. What's more important than that, huh?
[Turns to leave]
Billy: And I'm three months older than you are, ASSHOLE!

Susan: I want to spend the night with you.
Josh: Do you mean sleep over?
Susan: Well... yeah.
Josh: Well, okay... but I get to be on top.

It's a glow-in-the-dark compass ring. So you don't get lost.

Josh

Mrs. Baskin: You have my son?
Josh: [Over the phone] Yes.
Mrs. Baskin: Look, if you touch one hair on his head, I swear I will spend the rest of my life making sure you suffer.
Josh: Wow, thanks.

Josh: I'm much better at video hockey.
Paul: That's not a sport.
Josh: It requires hand and eye coordination.
Paul: It's not a sport if you don't sweat.
Josh: What about golf? It's a sport and you don't sweat.
Paul: It's not a sport if you let a machine do all the work.
Josh: What about car racing?
Paul: Shut up, Baskin.

Interviewer: Where did you go to school?
Josh: It was called George Washington.
Interviewer: Oh G.W. My brother-in-law got his doctorate there. Did you pledge?
Josh: Yes. Every morning.

Well, that's the last we should be hearing from Lucy man. She's probably stuffing herself down the incinerator about now. You know what we need? We need some opium.

Dr. Gonzo

Ahh! Ahh! I'm innocent! It was Duke! It was Duke!
[inaudible screaming, grunting] Ahh! Ahh! Don't put that thing on me! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!

Dr. Gonzo

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