Popular Comedy Quotes
Shelley: [puts on Natalie's glasses] God, you need to go to the eye doctor!
Natalie: I did. That's where I got my glasses.
Elwood: We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway.
Jake: This don't look like no expressway to me, pal.
Elwood: Don't yell at me.
Jake: Well whadda you want me to do, Motorhead?
Elwood: Why da ya gotta be so negative all the time? Why can't ya offer some... constructive criticism?
Jake: You got us into to this parking lot, pal, so YOU get us out.
Elwood: You want outta this parking lot?... O.K.
This one comes with a basic sort of digital package, uh, you got your Lifestyle Channels there, a bit of "Trisha," um, you got "Entertainment" - don't know what that is. News. All the basic, uh, news channels.Shaun
[Vernon catches Bender playing basketball]
Bender: Don't you want to hear my excuse?
Richard Vernon: Out.
Bender: I'm thinkin' of tryin' out for a scholarship.
Franz Liebkind: You know, not many people know zis, but der FÃ¼hrer was a terrific dancer.
Max: Really? Gee, we didn't know that, did we, Leo?
Leo: No, we sure didn't.
Franz Liebkind: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE TAKEN IN BY THE BBC! Filthy British lies! But did they ever say a bad word about Winston Churchill? CHURCHILL! With his cigars, and his brandy, and his ROTTEN paintings! ROTTEN! Hitler, there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!
Van Wilder: Blue - it brings out your eyes. The kid has killer eyes, not unlike yourself - anyone ever tell you that?
Gwen: Yes, my boyfriend.
Van Wilder: Your boyfriend? What's his name?
Gwen: I don't think that's any of your business.
Van Wilder: [Puts on sunglasses and turns away] You're right
Becca Crane: Jacob, why did you just take off your shirt?
Jacob: [Holds up employment contract] My contract says I have to every ten minutes of screen time.
I can't even get my cat to use the litter box.Rita
You want an opinion? With a push-up bra you could have a nice rack of lamb up there.Maury Ballstein
Let's go junior high on them.Chuck Levine
Elwood: What kind of music do you usually have here?
Claire: Oh, we got both kinds. Country AND western!
"We made a pact, Wolfpack only."Alan [to Teddy]