Popular Comedy Quotes
Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, my *God*. Look at all the junk food!
Dana Barrett: Oh, dammit. Look, this wasn't here...
Dr. Peter Venkman: You actually eat this?
Dana Barrett: Look, this wasn't here! There was *nothing* here! There was this... space! And there was a building or something with flames coming out of it, and there were creatures writhing around, and they were growling and snarling. And there were flames, and I heard a voice say "Zuul"! It was right here.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, I'm sorry, I'm just not getting any reading.
Dana Barrett: Well, are you sure you're using that thing correctly?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, I... I think so, but I'm sure there are no animals in there.
Dana Barrett: Well that's just great. Either I have a monster in my kitchen or I'm completely crazy.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [smiles] I don't think you're crazy.
Dana Barrett: [sarcastically] Oh, good, that makes me feel so much better.
Sister Doris: Do you like birthday parties, Leonard... I mean, LeeJohn?
LeeJohn: I don't know. I never had one.
Sister Doris: You never had a birthday party?
LeeJohn: When they took me to my foster home, they lost my birth certificate. So, nobody never knew when my birthday was.
Sister Doris: Aww... I know when it is.
LeeJohn: You do? When?
Sister Doris: Today!
Mother in Store: [apologizing for her daughter hitting Dave on the head with a box while shopping in a grocery store] Oh, sorry about that. Sorry.
David Seville: Kids, huh?
Mother in Store: Yeah, they keep you on your toes. You have any?
David Seville: Three boys.
Mother in Store: Some days are better than others.
David Seville: ...and then some days you just want to close them in a box, and leave the box in the park, and run away you know?
Mother in Store: [rushes off with her cart]
Snow White: Right! Ladies, assume the position!
Princess Fiona: What are you doing?
Snow White: Waiting to be rescued!
She's got me, she's really clamping down!Lloyd Christmas
I never said I was a golden god... did I?Russell Hammond
Paulette, I taught Bruiser to shop online, I think I can handle Congress.Elle
Benjamin: Do you have a lawyer?
Wayne Campbell: Yes. Ahm, no. We're between lawyers right now. You see, our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad.
Garth Algar: That's right. I walked right to that office - that's what I did - and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his big fat head and I said "Listen, man. I'm not going to jail for *you* or for anybody."
Uncle Albert: [lovingly] Your thighs look like warm cottage cheese someone threw up on the sidewalk.
Aunt Lucille Adams: And you've always had a tiny penis.
Uncle Albert: Well, what does it matter when you're in love?
Marin: Harry was once engaged to Diane Sawyer.
Zoe: Diane Sawyer? No way, I love her!
Erica Barry: That's wonderful!
Harry: Women your age love that about me.
Erica Barry: Ah.
Harry: No, that's a good thing.
Erica Barry: I'm sure you meant it as a compliment.
Harry: Yes, it was meant as a compliment.
No... not the artful postures of love, but love that overthrows life. Unbiddable, ungovernable, like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love like there has never been in a play. I will have love or I will end my days as a...Viola De Lesseps
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?