Popular Comedy Quotes
Terry Benedict: Think he's gonna fall for this?
Danny Ocean: You did. You ready?
Terry Benedict: I was born ready.
Danny Ocean: [rolls his eyes]
You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.Raoul Duke
Droz: Want some advice?
Tom: Well, yeah.
Droz: Well, here's all you need to know. Classes: nothing before 11. Beer: it's your best friend, you drink a lot. Women? You're a freshman, so it's pretty much out of the question. Will you have a car?
Tom: Uh, no.
Droz: Someone on your floor will. Find them and make friends with them on the first day.
[Exhales at his ex-wife] I need a drink. Do you have any beer, Coyote Ugly?Bud Brumder
Walter: Do you guys think that Kermit's been acting a little weird lately?
Miss Piggy: That's ridiculous! He's never been so caring and devoted to me!
Rizzo: Yeah, that's what we are saying!
Jerry Lundegaard: I'm, uh, Jerry Lundegaard.
Carl Showalter: You're Jerry Lundegaard?
Jerry Lundegaard: Ya. Shep Proudfoot said...
Carl Showalter: Shep said you'd be here at 7:30. What gives, man?
Jerry Lundegaard: Shep said 8:30.
Carl Showalter: We've been sitting here an hour. He's peed three times already.
Jerry Lundegaard: I'm sure sorry. Shep told me 8:30. It was a mix-up, I guess.
You can cross that one off your bucket list.Mrs. Stainer
Snow White: Right! Ladies, assume the position!
Princess Fiona: What are you doing?
Snow White: Waiting to be rescued!
Billy Madison: I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
Billy Madison: Oh my God. I'll go to school.
Jack: We decided that, we want you to be on camera.
Alison Scott: Oh my god, really?
Jill: I know, I was so surprised too.
Phil Wenneck: Whose fucking baby is that?
Stu Price: Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
Alan Garner: Yeah, I checked all the rooms... no one's there. Check its collar or something.
I would stay asleep my whole life, if I could dream myself into a company of players.Viola de Lesseps