Popular Comedy Quotes
Give Mr. Steve a Stavi goodbye.Stavi
Glen: Hi I'm Glen. Guess how many fingers I have?
Glen: No. I have eight and two thumbs.
Jesus, bad waves of paranoia, madness, fear and loathing - intolerable vibrations in this place. Get out. The weasels were closing in. I could smell the ugly brutes. Flee.Raoul Duke
I would definitely bring protection.Thomas
My name is Lance, and I like nuts!Steve Barker
Goodbye, Hooker Lady!Thomas
Buddy: Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?
Gimbel's Santa: Um, Happy Birthday of course. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. How old are you son?
Kid with Santa: Four.
Gimbel's Santa: You're a big boy. What's your name?
Kid with Santa: Paul.
Gimbel's Santa: Now what can I get you for Christmas?
Buddy: Don't tell him what you want, he's a liar.
Billy: Thomas, get me some water. My throat is parched.
Thomas: Do you want tap or Evian?
Billy: I don't know. Surprise me.
We need to come up with a slogan. You know, like "Life is like a box of chocolates," or "Take my hands, boss." Like that monster tard off of "Green Mile."Gary
I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo, and somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things. Won't be long now before they tear us to shreds.Raoul Duke
Raoul Duke: What was I doing here? What was the meaning of this trip? Was I just roaming around in a drug frenzy of some kind? Or had I really come out here to Las Vegas to work on a story? Who are these people, these faces? Where do they come from? They look like caricatures of used car dealers from Dallas, and sweet Jesus, there were a hell of a lot of them at 4:30 on a Sunday morning, still humping the American dream, that vision of the big winner somehow emerging from the last minute pre-dawn chaos of a stale Vegas casino.
Buddy: Who the heck are you?
Gimbel's Santa: What are you talkin' about? I'm Santa Claus.
Buddy: No, you're not.
Gimbel's Santa: Uh, why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho!