You're a very attractive man, Ken. You're... smart, you've got wonderful bones, and you dress really interestingly.

Otto

I love robbing the English, they're so polite.

Otto

[to Evan] I love you!... I mean, I think we should hang out socially... I have a new ping pong table.

Eugene

Otto: You really like animals don't you, Ken? What's the attraction.
Ken: Well, you can t-t-trust them and they don't sh-sh-sh-sh
Otto: Shit on you?
Ken: Shove off all the t-time.

Otto: Nice fish, Ken. You know what Nietzsche said about animals? "They were God's second blunder."
Ken: Well, you t-t-t-tell him from me that I kuh-kuh, I kuh-kuh...

I looked at the clock... because I was saying to myself... It's five to seven, where could he be going with that sawed off shotgun?

Wanda

I can't even get my cat to use the litter box.

Rita

Roger that Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.

Valentine McKee

I can't believe we said no to free beer!

Valentine McKee

Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.

It's just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture.

Buddy

Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.

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