Popular Comedy Quotes
You will have long blonde hair, big green eyes, world class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up.Valentine McKee
Did you notice anything weird a minute ago?Rhonda LeBeck
This valley is just one long smorgasboard.Valentine McKee
[to the dead Graboid, which he shot several thousand times] Guess you broke into the wrong God damn rec room, didn't ya!Burt Gummer
Food for five years, a thousand gallons of gas, air filtration, water filtration, Geiger counter. Bomb shelter! Underground... God damn monsters.Burt Gummer
Earl Bassett: Dammit, Valentine! You never go for any girl unless she fits that stupid list of yours from top to bottom.
Valentine McKee: Well, sure.
Earl Bassett: Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end! Like that Bobbie Lynn Dexter.
Valentine McKee: Tammy Lynn Baxter!
Earl Bassett: Doesn't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. "Ooh, I broke a nail!" Ugh! Makes my skin crawl.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, I'm a victim of circumstance.
Earl Bassett: I thought you called it your pecker.
Well, everyone at work went to TGI Fridays, but I don't really like that place. Or anyone that I work with.Kit
[to Rhonda] GET OUT OF YOUR PANTS!Valentine McKee
Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!Buddy
Well, there sure as hell ain't nothing to stop us now... everybody we know between here and Bixbe's already dead.Earl Bassett
Paula: Listen, Tripp. I'm sorry... they paid me for the whole thing...
Tripp: [Handing $300 to Paula] Here's three hundred dollars... all I got in my wallet. That should cover your cost... I hope.
Paula: No, please...
Tripp: Get the fuck outta my car.
Kit: Shut up, you whore!
Paula: [sipping champagne] Oh I'm sorry, was I sipping too loudly for you?
Kit: No, you were not sipping too loudly for me. It's that goddamn bird outside my goddamn window!
Kit: What the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night?