Popular Comedy Quotes
Valentine McKee: We can't hold still long! These things are damn smart! They're getting smarter by the minute!
Burt Gummer: That's fine! [holds up a stick of dynamite] We got some new things to teach 'em!
Rhonda LeBeck: They only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we... distract them somehow?
Valentine McKee: Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a... like a decoy!
Earl Bassett: Hey Melvin... wanna make a buck?
Kit: Good news. It's Champagne Thursday.
Paula: It's Friday.
Kit: Uh, yeah, it came twice this week.
Paula: For the third straight week.
Kit: There's talk of making it permanent.
Paula: Oh, kind of like Daylight Saving's Time?
Kit: Right, but for booze.
Hey... check this out! I found the ass end!Valentine McKee
[hearing music underground] So where the hell's that goddamn golden oldie comin' from?Valentine McKee
You screwed up their lives? And by doing that, you decided to screw up our lives? Asshole!Doug Madsen
Well, everyone at work went to TGI Fridays, but I don't really like that place. Or anyone that I work with.Kit
I've got a goddamn plan!Valentine McKee
Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!Buddy
Jack: You're gonna pay a disobedience fee of $10,000, plus another $40,000 to rebuild the bar. If you don't, we're gonna break your friends legs here.
Dudley Frank: Don't bring the money! I'm a computer programmer! I don't need my legs!
Jack: Fine, we'll break his hands!
Dudley Frank: Oh dammit. Bring the money!
Paula: Listen, Tripp. I'm sorry... they paid me for the whole thing...
Tripp: [Handing $300 to Paula] Here's three hundred dollars... all I got in my wallet. That should cover your cost... I hope.
Paula: No, please...
Tripp: Get the fuck outta my car.
Kit: Shut up, you whore!
Paula: [sipping champagne] Oh I'm sorry, was I sipping too loudly for you?
Kit: No, you were not sipping too loudly for me. It's that goddamn bird outside my goddamn window!
Kit: What the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night?