Britney Spears: Is it true what they say about you?
Mini-me: [whispers in her ear]
Britney Spears: Kickstand? Can I give you my cell phone number? Please?

Momma, welcome to the sixties.

Tracy Turnblad

Yeah, that's it. I got a student alt rock band coming on next. Mitch, I own six speaker cities. I am worth three a half million dollars that the government knows about. I got more electronics up there than a damn KISS concert. you think I'm gonna roll out this type of red carpet for a fucking marching band? Just make sure you can see the stage.


Elwood: Oh no.
Jake: What the fuck was that?
Elwood: The motor. We've thrown a rod.
Jake: Is that serious?
Elwood: Yup.

Fuck you, donuts are awesome!

Kumar Patel

Jack: Man! That's tasty!
Miles Raymond: That's 100% pinot noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it any more.
Jack: Pinot noir?
Miles Raymond: Mmm-hmm.
Jack: Then how come it's white?
Miles Raymond: [laughs] Oh, Jesus. Don't ask questions like that up in wine country. They'll think you're some kind of dumbshit, OK?

Jackie Moon: In the anals of history people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.

Therapist: We have some new-comers here today. Please say hello to Scott and his father Mr... Ev-ille?
Dr. Evil: Evil, Actually, Dr. Evil.
The Group: Hello, Scott. Hello, Dr. Evil.
Scott Evil: Hi, everybody.

Saul: Red! You came back! Man, you lied to me. You said you had herpes and Dale said you didn't.
Red: I know Saul. I'm sorry. It's just, after all this, and seeing this guy’s nuts get smashed with my Daewoo, I love you man.
Red: I want to be inside you, homes!

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.

Will Turner: This... is going to save Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: How much do you know about Davy Jones?
Will Turner: Not much.
Jack Sparrow: Yeah, it's gonna save Elizabeth.

You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called "Gimme Shelter," about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn.

Chip Douglas

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