Popular Comedy Quotes
Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.
You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called "Gimme Shelter," about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn.Chip Douglas
Maya: What's the title?
Miles Raymond: The Day After Yesterday.
Maya: Oh... You mean today?
Eleonore: This year you bring a lady guest?
Jamie: No, change of situation. It's just me.
Eleonore: Am I sad or not sad?
Jamie: I think you're not surprised.
Who the shit is Kingsley Zissou?Klaus Daimler
No, my webs were no miracle, Wilbur. I was only describing what I saw. The miracle is you.Charlotte A. Cavatica
Matty Banks: Can I put Cameron back on the list if he promises not to eat?
George: You know, that's not a bad idea. Who else can we ask not to eat? My parents and your mother.
Annie: Why don't we just charge people? That way we can make money on the wedding?
[as she enters the hospital, about to go into labor] It feels like I'm shitting a knife!Angie Ostrowiski
Reporter: Where do the Sox rank in terms of importance in your life?
Ben: I say the Red Sox... sex... and breathing!
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: I don't hit no man first.
Crash Davis: All right, then...
[throws him a baseball]
Crash Davis: ... hit me in the chest with that.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: I'd kill you!
Crash Davis: Yeah? From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fucking boat.
Mrs. Dashwood: Surely you're not going to deprive us of beef as well as sugar.
Elinor Dashwood: There is nothing under 10 pence a pound we must economise.
Mrs. Dashwood: Do you want us to starve?
Elinor Dashwood: No. Just not to eat beef.
Woman, this is all your fault. Come bargin' in here like a friggin' moose.Kenny Fisher