Popular Comedy Quotes
Dr. Gonzo: Let's give the boy a lift.
Raoul Duke: What? No. We can't stop here. This is bat country.
Charley: Needless to say, we don't carry firearms anymore. Sometimes you pull them out and think they're not loaded, and...
Bobby Davis: You blow your deputy's ear off.
Step right up and shoot the pasties off the nipples of a ten foot bull dyke! Win a cotton candy goat!Clown Barker
Doug Madsen: Woody, sorry I said you had ego issues.
Woody Stevens: Sorry I said you were a pussy.
Doug Madsen: You didn't call me a pussy.
Woody Stevens: Well not to your face, but that's what I was thinking.
Earl Bassett: What're you bringin' that vacuum cleaner, for?
Valentine McKee: I like this vacuum cleaner.
Earl Bassett: Y'never use it.
Valentine McKee: Well, it's good for parts.
Valentine McKee: What's it doing, Rhonda?
Rhonda LeBeck: Why do you keep asking me?
Doug Madsen: Did he just say "cracker"?
Dudley Frank: "Cracker-ass."
Doug Madsen: Oh, perfect.
[to Val] Well, thanks for everything, you know, saving my life and stuff.Rhonda LeBeck
Woody Stevens: That's not a discussion.
Dudley Frank: Yeah, that's a lawsuit.
I think I have a plan. Why don't we throw a bomb the way we want to go and then when it goes off, we run like goddamn bastards! [silence] Pardon my French.Rhonda LeBeck
Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.
Jovie: Thanks, but I don't sing.
Buddy: Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.
Jovie: I *can* sing, I just choose *not* to sing. Especially in front of other people.
Buddy: If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference.
Jovie: Actually, there's a BIG difference.
Buddy: No there's not.
Clerk at Flamingo Hotel: Can I call you a cab?
Police Chief: Sure, and I'll call you a cocksucker!