Popular Comedy Quotes
I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit... stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!Katinka [to Matilda]
Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you... even if you know its someplace you know you're not supposed to be.Van Wilder
You put the bone in Zamboni.Chazz
Joe Kingman: What did you put in those cookies?
Peyton Kelly: Um, milk, flour, eggs, cinnamon.
Joe Kingman: Cinammon? I'm allergic to cinnamon!
Peyton Kelly: I'm sorry.
Joe Kingman: You're sowry? I'm talking like t'his and all you can say is you're sowry?
Peyton Kelly: I'm allergic to nuts.
I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.Chip Douglas
[as she enters the hospital, about to go into labor] It feels like I'm shitting a knife!Angie Ostrowiski
Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard. Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm... well, why don't you just go by Mike... instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
Pee-wee: Life can be so unfair.
Mickey: You telling ME?
Italian Reporter: [after the Pope's ring has been stolen] Mr. Pepperidge, was the Dream Team asleep when the theft occurred?
Pepperidge: No comment.
Italian Reporter: Do you think they will recover the ring?
Pepperidge: If I give a comment, when I said 'no comment.' I would look like a complete ass, wouldn't I?
Cher: Been shopping with Dr. Suess?
Dionne: Well at least I wouldn't skin a collie to make my back pack.
Cher: It's faux.
Robin: There's Henry Drucker. He has a chair in history at Princeton. Oh, and the short man is Hershel Kaminsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell.
Alvy Singer: Yeah? Two more chairs they got a dining room set.