Popular Comedy Quotes
Donny: Phone's ringing, Dude.
The Dude: Thank you, Donny.
Earl Bassett: Stupid son-of-a-bitch, knocked itself cold!
Valentine McKee: Cold, my ass, he's dead! We killed it. We killed it! Fuck you!
Are you ready for that? Checking into a Las Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud on a head full of acid? I sure hope so.
Dr. Gonzo
It's ok. I just hit my face!
Dudley Frank
Mother-in-Law: In my day, the women stayed home. Not the lazy men.
Bobby Davis: In your day, men were busy building pyramids!
Valentine McKee: They're mutations caused by radiation. No, wait; the government made 'em. Big surprise for the Russians.
Rhonda LeBeck: Well, there's nothing like them in the fossil record... Okay, so they predate the fossil record. [pauses] That'd make them a couple of billion years old... and we've just never seen one until now. Right.
Earl Bassett: I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.
Sounds like big trouble. You're going to need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over. As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special messages. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of L.A. for at least 48 hours.
Dr. Gonzo
[to the other three] I'm just swimming here with my gay friends.
Woody Stevens
Earl Bassett: AHHH! AHHH!
Valentine McKee: What? What is it?
Earl Bassett: Damn prairie dog burrow.
Valentine McKee: Sons a bitches.
Dudley Frank: Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.
Woody Stevens: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!
Dudley Frank: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.
Woody Stevens: I felt you smell my neck!
Bobby Davis: Did you smell that man's neck?
Dudley Frank: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.
Bobby Davis: A lawyer cowboy?
Walter: Who sent this Christmas Gram?
Buddy: What's a Christmas Gram? I want one!
Ah, devil ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor function. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue. The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it.
Raoul Duke
