Popular Comedy Quotes
Sorry, Woody, about your situation. But you're a lying asshole. That's like an asshole's asshole.Bobby Davis
Well, everyone at work went to TGI Fridays, but I don't really like that place. Or anyone that I work with.Kit
Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!Buddy
It's ok. I just hit my face!Dudley Frank
Mother-in-Law: In my day, the women stayed home. Not the lazy men.
Bobby Davis: In your day, men were busy building pyramids!
Valentine McKee: They're mutations caused by radiation. No, wait; the government made 'em. Big surprise for the Russians.
Rhonda LeBeck: Well, there's nothing like them in the fossil record... Okay, so they predate the fossil record. [pauses] That'd make them a couple of billion years old... and we've just never seen one until now. Right.
Earl Bassett: I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.
Paula: Listen, Tripp. I'm sorry... they paid me for the whole thing...
Tripp: [Handing $300 to Paula] Here's three hundred dollars... all I got in my wallet. That should cover your cost... I hope.
Paula: No, please...
Tripp: Get the fuck outta my car.
[to the other three] I'm just swimming here with my gay friends.Woody Stevens
Earl Bassett: AHHH! AHHH!
Valentine McKee: What? What is it?
Earl Bassett: Damn prairie dog burrow.
Valentine McKee: Sons a bitches.
Dudley Frank: Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.
Woody Stevens: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!
Dudley Frank: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.
Woody Stevens: I felt you smell my neck!
Bobby Davis: Did you smell that man's neck?
Dudley Frank: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.
Bobby Davis: A lawyer cowboy?
Kit: Shut up, you whore!
Paula: [sipping champagne] Oh I'm sorry, was I sipping too loudly for you?
Kit: No, you were not sipping too loudly for me. It's that goddamn bird outside my goddamn window!
Kit: What the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night?
Emily: You like sugar, huh?
Buddy: Is there sugar in syrup?
Buddy: Then YES!