Popular Comedy Quotes
Sorry, Woody, about your situation. But you're a lying asshole. That's like an asshole's asshole.
Bobby Davis
Earl Bassett: Stupid son-of-a-bitch, knocked itself cold!
Valentine McKee: Cold, my ass, he's dead! We killed it. We killed it! Fuck you!
Yeah, right. Yup, I'm a homo. Yeah. Yeah. Just make up whatever you want and that's what happened. Okay? Write out my gay confession and I'll sign it. Okay? Just stop pushing me all the time. You're an infant, Jack. This is all a big party for you... but not for me.
Miles Raymond
It's ok. I just hit my face!
Dudley Frank
Mother-in-Law: In my day, the women stayed home. Not the lazy men.
Bobby Davis: In your day, men were busy building pyramids!
Valentine McKee: They're mutations caused by radiation. No, wait; the government made 'em. Big surprise for the Russians.
Rhonda LeBeck: Well, there's nothing like them in the fossil record... Okay, so they predate the fossil record. [pauses] That'd make them a couple of billion years old... and we've just never seen one until now. Right.
Earl Bassett: I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.
You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
Al Czervik
[to the other three] I'm just swimming here with my gay friends.
Woody Stevens
[to the Dude] Keep your ugly fuckin' goldbrickin' ass out of my beach community.
Malibu Police Chief
Dudley Frank: Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.
Woody Stevens: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!
Dudley Frank: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.
Woody Stevens: I felt you smell my neck!
Bobby Davis: Did you smell that man's neck?
Dudley Frank: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.
Bobby Davis: A lawyer cowboy?
Come on you fiend!
Raoul Duke
Dr. Gonzo: Hey honkies. You guys wanna buy some heroin? Goddamnit, I'm serious. I want to sell you some pure fucking smack! This is the real stuff! I just got back from Vietnam. Ahahaha... scag! I wanna sell you some pure fucking smack... Pure... fuck...
Man in Car: Goddammit you bastards! Pull over! I'll kill you I'll kill you! Pull over, come on!
