Popular Comedy Quotes
We dictators aren't all bad. While Western countries continue to ravage our planet's resources, we preserve our land and conserve it by burying thousands of bones in single mass eco-graves.General Aladeen
Quentin Hapsburg: I don't recall your name on the guest list.
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's OK. I sometimes go by my maiden name.
Robin: There's Henry Drucker. He has a chair in history at Princeton. Oh, and the short man is Hershel Kaminsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell.
Alvy Singer: Yeah? Two more chairs they got a dining room set.
Matthew: Sorry we're so late. The others are just parking the car, I thought we'd all go with Tom.
Charles: Late? So late?
Matthew: Yeah. It's 9:45.
Matthew: Yep. 45 minutes until "I do."
Eli: What'd you say?
Richie: Hmm? I didn't say anything.
Eli: When? Right now?
Shaun: [about Ed] Oh, he's sold a bit of weed now and then. You've sold pot.
Pete: Yeah. Once. In college. To you.
Ron Burgundy: Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
Brian Fantana: I don't know, Ron.
Ron Burgundy: Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.
I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.Harry Burns
Rejection. That's what makes a college great. The exclusivity of any university is judged primarily by the amount of students it rejects.Dean Van Horne
Wilbur: Okay, so he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it! The first working time machine! Then, he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it again! The second working time machine!
Lewis: That's kinda small for a time machine.
Wilbur: I'm assuming that's a joke. I'm ignoring you for time reasons. This, my friend, is merely a model, because unfortunately, time machine number two is in the hands of the Bowler Hat Guy!
Some people have a hard time explaining rock 'n' roll. I don't think anyone can really explain rock 'n' roll. Except Pete Townshend, but that's okay. Rock 'n' roll is a lifestyle and a way of thinking... and it's not about money and popularity. Although, some money would be nice. But it's a voice that says, "Here I am... and fuck you if you can't understand me." And one of these people is gonna save the world. And that means that rock 'n' roll can save the world... all of us together. And the chicks are great. But what it all comes down to is that thing. The indefinable thing when people catch something in your music.Jeff Bebe
Could you turn that racket down, I'm trying to iron in here.Edna Turnblad