Popular Comedy Quotes
Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.
Jeremy Grey
Bill: Ted, you know, if I die, you can have my Megadeth collection.
Ted: But dude, we are already dead.
Bill: Oh. Well then they're yours, dude.
Colonel Sandurz: That's much too early. Prepare to fast-forward!
Video Operator: Preparing to fast-forward!
Colonel Sandurz: Fast-forward!
Video Operator: Fast-forwarding, sir!
Teddy Sanders: We're throwing a Robert De Niro party.
Pete: You call the cops, you violate the circle of trust, Focker.
Mac Radner: Who are you?
Garf: I'm Sam Jackson from Jackie Brown.
Scoonie: [pause] Hoah!
Garf: Hooah!
Kelly Radner: That's actually Al Pacino.
Garf: The Path of the righteous man.
Mac Radner: That's the wrong Sam Jackson speech.
Trent: They're gonna give daddy the Rainman suite, you dig that?
Mike: Do you think we'll get there by midnight?
Trent: Baby, we're going to be up five hundy by midnight!
Mike: Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh!
Trent: Vegas baby! Vegas!
Mike: Vegas!
This hotel reminds me of a place you'd want to go to get a good ol' fashioned raping or a down-home murder!
Deputy Trudy Wiegel
Tom Dobbs: If you're representing special interest groups, maybe we should be like NASCAR with the little patches on the back: 'Enron: We take your money and run!'
Rick Ford: We have to stop the sale of a nuclear bomb. They send in someone who looks like Santa Claus' fucking wife!
Susan Cooper: Uh, did you forget? I am undercover because you are not supposed to be here!
Rick Ford: Welln I make a habit out of doing things that people say I can't do!
Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.
Jason
Well, that's the last we should be hearing from Lucy man. She's probably stuffing herself down the incinerator about now. You know what we need? We need some opium.
Dr. Gonzo
[to the soldiers in his platoon] We're soldiers; but we're American soldiers. We've been kickin' ass for 200 years. We're 10 and 1.
John Winger
We're the 3 best friends that anybody could have.
Alan [singing]
We're the 3 best friends that anyone could have, we're the 3 best friends that anyone can have and we'll never never ever ever ever leave each other."
