Popular Comedy Quotes
The Mayor of Who-ville: Listen, Horton, I've gotta go. Apparently there's a problem with a giant meatball.
Horton: You just take care of that meatball sir and leave the freaking out to me.
Listen, honey. Let me call you right back. Miles and I are in the middle of something. No, it's nothing serious, Miles is just having one of his freak-outs. Yeah. Love you too.Jack
Marlin: How do you know if they're ready?
Crush: Well, you never really know, but when they know, you know, y'know?
Pee-wee: Some night, huh?
Large Marge: On this very night, ten years ago, along this same stretch of road in a dense fog just like this. I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building... And when they finally pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this...!
Large Marge: Yes, Sir, the worst accident I ever seen.
My dick is brown, you dumb motherfucker!Saddamn
Phil Connors: Excuse me, where is everyone going?
Fan on Street: To Gobbler's Knob. It's Groundhog Day.
Phil Connors: It's still just once a year, right?
Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else?
Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?
People just don't understand what is involved in this. This an art form! You know, I think that most people just think that I hold a camera and point at stuff, but there is a HECK of a lot more to it than just that.Larry
After months of speculation, analysts expect an announcement this week that GlobeCom International will acquire Waterman Publishing and its flagship magazine, Sports America. The man at the helm of GlobeCom, billionaire media magnate Teddy K., has been on a spending spree recently, acquiring a food service company, a cable operator, and two telecommunications providers in deals totaling more than $13 billion. And how did one lucky ferret owner come to own the largest dog treat manufacturer on the East Coast?Anchorwoman
Sam: I haven't even lied in like, the past two days.
Andrew Largeman: Is that true?
William Shakespeare: His name is Mercutio.
Ned Alleyn: What's the name of the play?
William Shakespeare: Mercutio.
Philip Henslowe: It is?
William Shakespeare: Shh!
You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.Ernie McCracken