Popular Comedy Quotes
Josh: Wow, you're fillin' out there.
Cher: Wow, your face is catching up with your mouth.
Raoul Duke: What was I doing here? What was the meaning of this trip? Was I just roaming around in a drug frenzy of some kind? Or had I really come out here to Las Vegas to work on a story? Who are these people, these faces? Where do they come from? They look like caricatures of used car dealers from Dallas, and sweet Jesus, there were a hell of a lot of them at 4:30 on a Sunday morning, still humping the American dream, that vision of the big winner somehow emerging from the last minute pre-dawn chaos of a stale Vegas casino.
Buddy: Who the heck are you?
Gimbel's Santa: What are you talkin' about? I'm Santa Claus.
Buddy: No, you're not.
Gimbel's Santa: Uh, why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho!
Mel: I'd like to see you have a little direction.
Cher: I have direction!
Josh: Yeah, towards the mall.
Josh: Look, I'm just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming yourself?
Cher: Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are.
Josh: Stop it, you're making me blush.
[arrives at party] So should we do a lap before we commit to a location?Cher
Harry: I have never lied to you, I have always told you some version of the truth.
Erica Barry: The truth doesn't have versions, okay?
Erica, you are a woman to love.Harry
This is really fascinating, what's going on at this table. Let's take you and Erica. You've been around the block a few times. What are you, around 60? 63. Fantastic! Never married, which as we know, if you were a woman, would be a curse. You'd be an old maid, a spinster. Blah, blah, blah. So instead of pitying you, they write an article about you. Celebrate your never marrying. You're elusive and un-getable, a real catch. Then, there's my gorgeous sister here. Look at her. She is so accomplished. Most successful female playwright since who? Lillian Hellmann? She's over 50, divorced, and she sits in night after night after night because available guys her age want something - forgive me, they want somebody that looks like Marin. The over-50 dating scene is geared towards men leaving older women out. And as a result, the women become more and more productive and therefore, more and more interesting. Which, in turn, makes them even less desirable because as we all know, men - especially older men - are threatened and afraid of productive, interesting women. It is just so clear! Single older women as a demographic are about as fucked a group as can ever exist.Zoe
Julian Mercer: You really are a very sexy woman.
Erica Barry: No, really, I swear to God, I'm NOT!
Donny: Phone's ringing, Dude.
The Dude: Thank you, Donny.
Are you ready for that? Checking into a Las Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud on a head full of acid? I sure hope so.Dr. Gonzo